“Ahhh, finally, a man worth killing.”

Well this is going to be weird. Its definitely high time for another King Arthur movie. Yay! Except this time around its one from the 2000s that purports to demystify the myths from the facts. Boo! Well, regardless, since I’ve got a mania where I end up buying Arthurian films regardless of their overall quality, we might as well sit down with 2004’s King Arthur, the Director’s Cut!

Plot
We start off with blah blah blah Roman Britain, blah blah blah, Sarmatian cavalry stationed in Britain even though Rome itself is really half-assing its support of the floundering colony. Turns out the Romans there are having trouble with the Saxons as well as the Woads…waitaminute. The Romano-British are having trouble with a flowering plant most famous for the indigo dyes it can be used to make? True story of King Arthur my ass. If you want to have local tribes that don’t bow to the Romans, you can call them Celts, or more accurately Picts. Well, anyway its 467 AD and Rome needs to consolidate its…Wait. Rome withdrew from Britain around 410 AD. You know what, fuck you movie for insulting my intelligence. Okay, so its neither a fantastical take on the legend or a historical take. Good to know. Excuse me while I turn my medievalist’s brain off.

So the soldiers get sent on one last mission before being given their release papers. They have to go up into *shudder* “Woad” territory to evacuate a Roman Villa because-- Wait. That makes no fucking sense. WHY WOULD YOU BUILD A ROMAN VILLA OUTSIDE OF ROMAN TERRITORY???

Anyway, we get some blah blah blah about how Arthur is a Romano-Britain (which is actually rather likely) who’s commander of a group of Sarmatian cavalrymen (look, the term “Knight” didn’t come about until later if we’re playing the historicity card) who are generally grumpy since their term of service is ending and most want to go home. And then there’s fighting. Yay, swords! And Keira Knightly in little more than leather straps. Yay T&A!

Characters
Arthur/Artorius: Clive Owen is a Roman Britain who was a big fan of Pelagius, a fairly obscure 5th century ascetic and heretic who died around 440 (not necessarily under shadowy circumstances), a full ten years before Arthur was to have met him. Anyway…., Owen’s Arthur is actually pretty cool, stupid plot notwithstanding. He’s an idealist, and merciful in his command who has the absolute loyalty of his men (no matter how much the movie makes them bitch about it). He believes in Rome the ideal, but he’s also got the stones to back up his vision but he‘s also conflicted. And you know, Owen makes a pretty damn good Arthur, so there you go: badass of the film.

Lancelot: Ioan Gruffudd is Arthur’s number 2, a Sarmatian who’s extremely grumpy. I mean, that’s his dominant character trait. He’s grumpy about everything. Oh, and he’s vaguely pagan, which I suppose would be acceptable since he’s supposed to be from a tribe of steppe horsemen. Oh, and he fights with two swords, because that’s a practical fighting style for a horseman.

Tristram: Mads Mikkelsen is the most “barbarian” looking of the horsemen. He’s actually really good in the role, just underutilized a lot and with not a whole lot of characterization. He’s a falconer, is apparently the scout of the squad, seems to sort of, kind of have a death wish and fights with a curved blade which gives him a cool looking two handed “katana-esque” fighting style but isn’t all that practical for a horseman. Also, there is no Isolde, so that’s automatic points off.

Gawain: Joel Edgerton (who was the young Uncle Owen in the Star Wars prequels though I can’t blame you for forgetting). Gawain’s all right. He’s got long hair, seems pretty laid back about most everything and is a trooper who’s got Arthur’s back. He’s not Arthur’s cousin, which sucks, but its clear the writer had a cursory knowledge of Gawain and the Green Knight because he’s got green-ish armor and uses a handaxe, which…is actually a very practical weapon for a horseman.

Galahad: Hugh Dancy is probably the least defined member of the team. He’s the young one who doesn’t like fighting. And that’s about it. And he’s sort of an archer. Definitely not the “Warrior of Justice and Purity” that Galahad is synonymous with.

Bors: Ray Winstone is actually pretty damn awesome here as one of the team’s “big guys.” He’s an old soldier and pretty much planning on settling down with his woman and 11 or so illegitimate children. Big, boisterous and jolly, he also happens to fight with two funky daggers because THAT’S a practical weapon for a horseman.

Dagonet: Ray Stevenson is the other big guy on the team. Doesn’t talk much, always has Arthur’s back and is treated like Bors’ little brother. He’s also the first one to die in the film, but he does get a pretty badass death scene. He uses a very big axe because that’s a practical for a-- You know what, never mind.

Guinevere: Keira Knightley is a Pictish woman rescued by Arthur during the “last mission.” She’s okay, I guess, despite being yet another preachy action girl shoehorned into a historical movie. I guess I’d complain more, but she just looks so damn good doing it.

Merlin: Stephen Dillane is the creepy Celtic mystic who more or less rules the “Woads.” Arthur hates him because years ago his mother was killed in a raid led by Merlin. Merlin’s is not actually a wizard in this movie, so all the crazy looks he gives here are, well, just crazy looks that make him simply a creepy dude in the woods.

Cerdic: Stellan Skarsgård is our Saxon villain. A very, very, very obvious villain. Murderous, psychotic and racist against the Britons (which is hilarious, since the Saxons settled permanently in Britain and forever changed both the language and demography), he’d be on the level of moustache-twirling cartoon if it weren’t for just how laid back he is about it. He’s a barbarian warlord who’s possessed by ennui, which is both hilarious and awesome, and Skarsgård seems to be having a lot of fun with it.

Cynric: Til Schweiger is Cerdic’s son and second in command. He’s there to get yelled at a lot by dad and glower.

Bishop Germannus: Ivano Marescotti is the Roman bishop sent to the island to serve Arthur & his men their discharge papers (which…why would the Empire send a bishop to do such a menial task??). He’s just kind of a jerk.

Visuals/Effects
Antoine Fuqua (who directed Training Day, which I’ve heard good things about) brings some interesting things to the table. The movie is certainly well shot and the battle scenes are legitimately interesting to watch. It definitely looks good. Pacing is a definite issue though, and I don’t just mean that as a comment on the director’s cut (never seen the theatrical version and from what I’ve read, that’s for the best).

Writing
David Franzoni (who worked on the entertaining but historical clusterfuck Gladiator) is the sole scripter here and… there’s a lot wrong with it. I mean, why do these “Sarmatian knights” have names like Lancelot (French in origin) or Gawain (which is British)? Why do the Saxons have crossbows? Trebuchets? “WOADS?” Why is the Pope considered the highest authority in the Western Roman Empire? The Senate and the Emperor (however useless he may have been) were still the authorities. The Pope was still only considered Bishop of Rome. And speaking of Rome, it was sacked in 410 by the Goths and the capital of the Western Empire (and the Emperor) moved to the more defensible Ravenna. I mean, is it really all that hard to check this stuff in Wikipedia? Or a book? I mean…FUCK! So much of this story doesn’t make any goddamn sense. And if it sounds like I’m being overly critical of the script when I might let other movies slide, well, I am. You can’t have the marketing campaign be all like “based on the TRUE story of King Arthur” and have so many goddamn glaring GLARBHHHGUYAJGHKJHASFKJHKLJHASFDLK:LIUO*&

About the only really interesting thing done with the characters is that the Lancelot/Arthur/Guinevere love triangle is downplayed.

Sound
Hans Zimmer’s music is a totally serviceable score for the film that rises to very solid percussive beats during the action scenes. Its solid, but not something that really can stand alongside the true greats of film music.

Conclusion
Right, so I’ve really ragged on King Arthur here quite a bit. Do I hate it? Surprisingly no. Franzoni’s script is pretty damn bad, but the movie looks good, the battles entertain and the cast largely manages to elevate the mediocre material they’re dealing with. I mean, its way more entertaining than First Knight. I just kind of wish every single period film like this of the last ten years didn’t try to ape Braveheart so much.

And by no means is this the worst Arthurian movie I’ve seen…

“For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly.”

This one’s just a shameless excuse to look at one of the formative movies of my youth. 1989’s UHF is not a complicated movie. It’s a vehicle for novelty/parody songster “Weird Al” Yankovic, and its really not a surprise that it tanked at the box office and became a cult classic on video.

Plot
Well, our hero is a well-meaning nice guy who’s a constant daydreamer. This gets him fired from most jobs that require an attention span. However, when his uncle wins a terrible local TV station in a game of poker, our guy ends up being given control of the station and after a few teething problems, local channel U-62 gets some wildly popular shows and draws the irate attention of the big, bad network affiliate station. Yeah, its not deep at all, but hilarity still ensues.

Characters
George Newman: “Weird Al” Yankovic plays pretty much himself (or at least his public persona) of a likable goofball with an insane imagination and a penchant for amusingly lyric-ed parody songs.

Teri: Victoria Jackson (who was on SNL for a while) plays George’s long suffering girlfriend. That’s…about all I can think of to say about the character. Uhhh, she works in a dentist’s office?

Bob: David Bowe (not David Bowie) is George’s best friend and the resident voice of reason.

R.J. Fletcher: Kevin McCarthy chews through scenery like that Asian guy in those hot dog eating contests they show on ESPN every year. He’s our villain, the guy who runs Channel 8, the local network affiliate, with an iron fist. Hilariously dictatorial, the guy’s just an asshole.

Stanley Spadowski: Michael Richards (yep, TV’s Kramer) is the dim-witted janitor of U-62 who gets a TV show when George goes through a brief mental breakdown. The show turns out to be the highest rated show in town and signals the reversal of U-62’s fortunes.

Pamela Finkelstein: Fran Drescher (yep, that one) is the station’s secretary who gets promoted to reporter for U-62.

Philo: Anthony Geary is the station’s engineer and resident mad scientist. He also gets a show, appropriately about science.

Noodles MacIntosh: Legendary little person actor Billy Barty is one of the cameramen for U-62.

Uncle Harvey & Aunt Esther: Stanley Brock & Sue Ane Langdon are George’s relatives who give him control of the station. Harvey’s a sleaze who ends up owing money to a dangerous “Big Louie” which prompts a telethon to save the station.

Kuni: Gedde Watanabe is George’s neighbor who runs a martial arts dojo. He ALSO gets a show, and it is hilarious.

Raul Hernandez: Trinidad Silva (who sadly died in a car accident before all of his scenes were filmed) is the film’s badass. Not just because of the tragic nature of his death, but also because the two segments that he’s in are easily the funniest for their sheer insanity. "Raul’s Wild Kingdom" is one of the greatest gags this movie has to offer.

Visuals/Effects
Directed by Jay Levey, the film is competently shot and there’s a lot of visual comedy thrown around. There’s the occasional cartoonish elements and a lot of dream sequences that parody other films (Indiana Jones, Rambo, etc). Sure its not Oscar-worthy, but it gets the job done clearly and efficiently, and that’s not a bad thing.

Writing
Written by Al Yankovic and Jay Levey, the movie is just plain goofy. Dialogue is amusing, the characters, while not necessarily complex, work well together, and the real strength of the film are the dream sequences and snippets of U-62’s off kilter programming. You get stuff like “Wheel of Fish,” “Celebrity Mud Wrestling” and “Conan the Librarian.”

Sound
Original music by John Du Prez, which is fine, but the real musical stuff that stands out is what you get from “Weird Al” and his band. Most notably the parody of Dire Straits’ “Money For Nothing,” “Beverly Hillbillies” which is also, oddly enough, one of the least comically goofy segments of the entire movie.

Conclusion
Look. I know UHF is a goofy, goofy movie. I still love the pluperfect hell out of it unapologetically. Totally recommended for a good, honest laugh.

“Didn't you see? His head... it was torn off!”

I’m going to try out the occasional dose of awfulness, schlock and bad cinematic decisions. I’d like to keep these things shorter than usual though, so without further hullabaloo, here’s 1958’s The Trollenberg Terror AKA The Crawling Eye.

Plot
Some scientist guy is traveling to a resort town in Switzerland at the foot of the Trollenberg mountain. He meets two women on the train ride there, including one who is apparently psychic and senses something very wrong about the place. Turns out climbers have been dying and their bodies being found without heads. Guess what? A radioactive cloud of unknown origin is the cause of this. Somehow. I’m not sure. Aliens or something. Eventually, there are giant eye-like monsters crawling around that get killed with fire.

Characters
Alan Brooks: Forrest Tucker (AKA that guy from F Troop) plays some scientist guy with vague ties to the government and United Nations. He’s on vacation, yet somehow ends up at this location that features a strange stationary cloud clinging to a mountain that is suspiciously similar to one he encountered in South America some years before. Hmmmm… He’s technically our hero, but doesn’t really do a whole lot.

Sarah Pilgrim: Jennifer Jayne plays the elder Pilgrim sister, who happens to be the not psychic one. She’s supportive of her sis, rather hot and that’s about it, really.

Anne Pilgrim: Janet Munro (who was also in Darby O’Gill And The Little People) plays the hot psychic girl. She’s actually rather interesting here as the only one who gets a vibe that SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING ON. Sure, she tends to fall into a swoon after her visions, but let’s face it, for having psychic powers that the filmmakers don’t even TRY to explain, she’s the cute little badass of the film.

Philip Truscott: Laurence Payne is a reporter at the resort when all this stuff happens. By the end, he and Anne become an item because… Well, I guess because that’s just how these things go.

Professor Crevet: Warren Mitchell is the heavily accented scientist working at an observatory on the mountain. He’s very much aware of the cloud and…that’s about it.

Brett: Andrew Faulds is a mountaineer and guide who falls victim to the cloud. After murdering a geologist and some guys sent up to look for him, he comes back to the resort, visibly messed up, then tries to kill Anne when he sees her, then falls over, doesn’t bleed when cut, tries again to kill her later and is shot. When the others examine the body, it dissolves, leaving a skeleton. I’m not making this up.

Visuals/Effects
Directed by Quentin Lawrence (who apparently held a degree in physics) the movie is fairly standard fare in most scenes, with a couple good moments here and there. The beginning, with one climber killed (off camera) and his two buddies powerless to help him is actually rather good at setting the mood. Sadly the movie really drags after a while, but then we get CRAWLING EYES!! Which are laughably horrible. Their bodies are giant orbs but the actual “eye” itself is about the size of a baseball. No real idea why they have tentacles but whatever. The special effects guys get a B for effort but an F for failure. One thing though, the climax is definitely memorable.

Writing
Story by Peter Key and script by Jimmy Sangster. The writing really falls into the standard B movie pitfall of not a whole lot of stuff making sense. Why is Anne psychic? What do the creatures want? I mean, sure, there are some decent ideas in there, but the writing is just clunky schlock.

Sound
The score by Stanley Black is fine. Nothing really amazing or anything, but its not BAD or anything.

Conclusion
Whether you call it The Trollenberg Terror or The Crawling Eye, this is not a good movie. While there are decent elements, the actors aren’t trying to hard with the pretty lame material they’ve been given and the effects by the end are pretty damn awful. Still, you can’t look at those stupid eyeball monsters with hate in your heart…

“Wow, I feel sore. I mean physically, not like a guy who's angry in a movie in the 1950's.”

I really wish I could be clever with this intro, but 2005’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, a black comedy/homage to film noir plots and tropes starring Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer and written & directed by a guy who co-created Lethal Weapon. I mean, I’m sold.

Plot
Well, a petty thief in New York stumbles into an acting audition while trying to avoid the police and ends up doing well enough to get taken out to Hollywood, where his new agent hooks him up with a real life detective to show him the ropes of the business. Then the two stumble into several murders and our hero tries to figure out what’s going on while also reconnecting with an old flame from high school. Did I mention this takes place around Christmas? And that doesn’t even begin to cover what happens in this movie.

Characters
Harry Lockhart: Robert Downey Jr. is awesome in this movie. He’s the narrator, but an incredibly self-aware one who knows he’s not very good at it. He’s also kind of a big screwup in general here and just keeps getting the crap kicked out of him throughout the movie.

Gay Perry: Val Kilmer is the badass of the film, no question. Perry’s an actual private investigator who’s life is quite boring under normal circumstances. Until Harry drags him along into a messed up world of twists and turns. Perry doesn’t really like Harry. At all, and the banter between them is outstandingly amusing. Also, Perry’s gay, which isn’t a surprise.

Harmony Faith Lane: Michelle Monaghan is an old friend from Harry’s home town who left to become an actress (and get away from her terrible father). Harmony’s an interesting character. Deeply flawed, but incredibly likable. And I’m not complaining about the outfits she wears. No sir.

Harlan Dexter: Corbin Bernsen plays a washed up actor who went on to become an entrepreneur. Its his house where the beginning party scene takes place and where Harry meets all the major characters.

Visuals/Effects
Shane Black, in his directorial debut, and Michael Barrett was director of photography, and I’ve got to say, the movie looks good. Slickly presented and incredibly well lit. Its not at all noir in a visual sense, but the film does have a moody style to it when its time to shift gears into some pretty serious scenes. Best scene is probably the one where Harry shoots a guy for the first time. Its played completely straight and the build up to it is just so incredibly well done from both a character development and audience empathy standpoint.

Writing
Shane Black on script duty, and sort-of, kind-of based on a novel by Brett Halliday called “Bodies Are Where You Find Them.” The film oozes wit and charm from every pore, and the nature of being a hard-boiled detective parody means you have to pay attention to what’s going on in order to understand the movie by the end. Insanely quotable and both irreverent and loving of the standard film noir tropes, Black’s script just breezes by effortlessly. The movie also breaks its sections into chapters named after Raymond Chandler books. Not bad for the American commando who got killed first in Predator.

Sound
Original music by John Ottman and a bunch of mostly-Christmas themed songs. There’s an overall jazzy feel to the soundtrack with the occasional other sounds, and the movie sounds great.

Conclusion
This movie blew out the back of my skull from the sheer force of awesomeness. Seriously. If I do another “biggest surprises” at the end of 2010, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a definite contender for the top three, easily. Find this movie and watch it.


Not that good of a trailer, actually, but you get the basic idea.

“Trial by Stone!”

Been a while since we had a fantasy flick in the rotation. 1982’s The Dark Crystal is a good enough way to return to the genre. A high concept Jim Henson film that’s light on humor, big on adventure and featuring a cast of puppets and no human characters, it’s a big tonal shift from the Maven of Muppets.

Plot
Ok, so on an ancient and distant world called Thra (which is very much not Earth because it has 3 suns and no humans), there was a race of beings called urSkeks, who ruled benevolently for centuries until, 1000 years ago, during the Great Conjunction of the suns, they cracked the Crystal of Truth (which gave them their power) and a shard of it went missing. Turns out this was a very bad thing, because the urSkeks split into two new races, the tyrannical, lizard/bird-like Skeksis and the gentle, peaceful and pretty much useless Mystics. The Skeksis hearing a prophecy that they will be undone by a Gelfling (basically elves), decide to genocide their asses to prevent it. (you know, a kids movie).

Unfortunately for the Skeksis, one Gelfling lad is still alive, and raised by the Mystics so that the prophecy can be fulfilled. ADVENTURE! ensues.

Characters
Jen: Performed by Jim Henson and voiced by Stephen Garlick, Jen is our Hero. An orphan raised by the Mystics for whom a great destiny awaits, he’s pretty much your standard fantasy hero. This isn’t exactly terrible, since Jen isn’t smash-your-own-face-in annoying, but he’s also just kind of there. Not bad, but not awesome, I guess is the gist of him. He’s got the missing shard of the Crystal and its up to him to keep it safe.

Kira: Performed by Kathryn Mullen and voiced by Lisa Maxwell, Kira is another Gelfling that Jen stumbles upon along the way. Yes, turns out the Skeksis weren’t actually that efficient in their campaign of genocide. Kira’s a little more experienced in the ways of the world and becomes a useful ally for Jen, and a little more… (well, they are the last two survivors of their people, so its pretty obvious)

Fizzgig: Performed by Dave Goelz and voiced by Percy Edwards, this little fuzz ball is Kira’s pet. He’s okay in my book.

Aughra: Performed by Frank Oz and voiced by Billie Whitelaw, Aughra is a crazy old soothsayer, wise woman and general “keeper of secrets.” Jen is told to seek her out to find out how to save the world, and while he finds her and learns just how much is at stake, he also doesn’t learn as much as he’d like, since the Skeksis’s goons crash the place.

The Chamberlain: Performed by Frank Oz and voiced by Barry Dennen, this guy is the Skeksis the movie follows, and he’s pretty awesome. Not because he’s badass, but because of the opposite. He is a sniveling, weasely douche who makes a claim for the throne when the Emperor Skeksis dies, loses, gets stripped of his rank and exiled, and happens to run into Jen & Kira. You bet its awesome, because he’s just so damn creepy. And he’s got a verbal tic that has him going “hhmmm?” all the damn time, which is both annoying and awesome at the same time. Its not even something you can put in onomatopoeia.

The General: Performed by Dave Goelz and voiced by Michael Kilgarriff, the General is pretty damn badass. After the death of the Emperor, he’s the one who wins the ordeal of Trial By Stone to become the new ruler. He’s also got an army of Garthim at his command, which…well, they’re basically umber hulks. Dude’s hardcore.

Visuals/Effects
Directed by Jim Henson, Frank Oz and (uncredited) Gary Kurtz, the movie is masterfully shot. Not only is it ambitious, but they really work around the limitations of puppets to really make it seem plausible. And the effects have aged very, very, very well. The pacing does slow down a bit in the middle after Jen meets Kira, but its nothing serious.

The overall look of the film was a collaboration between Jim Henson and Brian Froud (who also worked with Henson on Labyrinth) and the world these two built is simply stunning on a conceptual level.

Writing
Story by Jim Henson and screenplay by David Odell, the plot is…well, its nothing complicated and trundles along predictable lines. There’s not a whole lot to Jen & Kira’s characters and the Mystics are, to be honest, really boring. Although this movie also gives us the Skeksis, which are constantly entertaining when they’re on screen because of their decadent villainy. The plot does stray into some pretty dark corners here and there too, which is both pretty cool and creepy at times. This is a good thing, since family movies should never condescend toward the audience.

Sound
The score by Trevor Jones is big, sweeping, majestic and a little eerie. The main theme is incredibly memorable and the whole sound fit’s the movie perfectly. The sound effects are outstanding as well, which is no surprise because it was headed up by Ben Burtt, who’s so good at his job that he can get nominated for sound awards in his sleep.

Conclusion
So yeah, The Dark Crystal is one hell of a film. Its strange, sure, and lacking the lighter tone of the later Labyrinth, the movie tracks its own path to display Henson’s extremely ambitious vision. It gets weird, yes, but it embraces that aspect and avoids ever getting too cheesy, even if it does tread familiar story trails. All of these are good things, especially since a sequel has been rumored for years at this point.

“In polite society, we don’t say “yoohoo.” We say “yoowhom”

Well, this is it, 1947’s Song of the Thin Man is the last one of the series. After the disappointment of the last film, its probably a good thing that this is the last one.

Plot
All right, so a sleazy jazz band leader who owes the mob a lot of money and doesn’t have any friends at a charity benefit on a luxury boat/casino and gets murdered in the night while trying to steal from the till. Nick & Nora, who were guests at the party where this guy was murdered, eventually get wrapped up in figuring out what’s going on and get swept up in a late night world of jazz music and murder.

Characters
Nick Charles: William Powell looks pretty old in this one (time will do that), but he’s still as charming as ever. Not forced to be a teetotaler this time, there’s a running gag of him always getting thwarted from taking a drink. Not bad, but not quite the same. Still badass though.

Nora Charles: Myrna Loy is still awesome and lovely, and she gets quite a bit to do, even facing peril on her own in one of the movie’s darker scenes. Still badass.

Nick Charles Jr.: Dean Stock well (who should be familiar to you, considering he played Al on Quantum Leap when he grew up, among a lot of other things). He’s not a major figure in the film, and even comments to his parents that they don’t do anything with him anymore.

Tommy Drake: Phillip Reed is the jerk of a bandleader who gets offed at the beginning of the movie. He’s just an all around sleaze who’s got plenty of enemies with suitable motives for wanting him dead. Even his bandmates don’t like him.

Buddy Hollis: Don Taylor is the star clarinet player in Drake’s band and the ex-boyfriend of the lead singer (who left him for Drake). Buddy’s also got himself a problem with a vaguely explained substance that has him disappearing for days at a time. After the murder, he disappears from the scene.

Fran Ledue Page: Gloria Grahame is the girl that got between Buddy & Tommy. She definitely regrets leaving Buddy, but does she regret it enough to KILL??

Clarence “Klinker” Krause: Keenan Wynn (son of vaudeville legend & comedian Ed Wynn) is another clarinetist in the band who ends up helping Nick & Nora look for Buddy. Pretty resourceful as far as sidekicks go.

Phil Brant: Bruce Cowling is the guy who pretty much organized the event on the boat, and Drake owed him money too. When Drake is killed, he’s the prime suspect.

Janet Thayar Brant: Jayne Meadows (the wife & widow of comedian and original host of “The Tonight Show” Steve Allen) is a headstrong young woman who elopes with Phil against her father’s wishes. Naturally, her motives are in question.

David Thayer: Ralph Morgan is Janet’s father and a collector of antique pistols, one of which was used to shoot Drake. Hmmmm.

Mitchell Talbin: Leon Ames is a promoter that Drake was going to sign on with and do a tour for. Drake needed money from him badly.

Al Amboy: William Bishop plays a shady racketeer that Drake owes money to. He tries to strongarm Nick & Nora for information.

Visuals/Effects
Edward Buzzell (who directed one of the Marx Brothers' later films, At The Circus) and director of photography Charles Rosher give the film a moody, rather noir-ish look. There’s even some touches of German Expressionism in the architecture in some scenes. Its an interesting shift, and understandable since noir proper was in full swing by 1947.

Writing
So, we’ve got story by Stanley Roberts, screenplay by Steve Fisher & Nat Perrin and “additional dialogue” by James O’Hanlon & Harry Crane (it’s a safe bet that they handled the jazz lingo) and things get interesting. Nick & Nora still sparkle and Klinker’s actually not a bad addition as the sidekick. What’s interesting is that things actually take a pretty dark turn.

Sound
The score by David Snell continues to be solid but not that remarkable. There’s also, understandably, a lot of jazz music blowing around the film.

Conclusion
Song of the Thin Man is definitely different, taking things in a slightly darker direction, but after the anemic The Thin Man Goes Home, its actually not a bad way for the series to go out. Still, it doesn’t really match the comedic genius of the first four Thin Man films. Still, if you’re watching the last couple films, that means you’ve got the boxed set, and since you’ve come this far, you might as well watch. I mean, the series is just damn great overall, really taking Dashiell Hammett’s characters and making them shine, and that’s a major credit to the chemistry between Powell & Loy. Nick & Nora are quite possibly my favorite screen couple of all time.

“Right there was the little old schoolhouse. Once on Halloween I burned it down - slightly.”

1945 brought a fifth Thin Man movie, and things were different. W.S. “One-Take Woody” Van Dyke was dead and there was that whole “World War II” event. Still, its more of Nick & Nora doing what they do best and that can’t be a bad thing. Here’s The Thin Man Goes Home.

Plot
So Nick, Nora & Asta are on their way to Nick’s hometown of Sycamore Springs to visit his family. Nick Jr. is written out as being with a nanny or whatever. The plan is to have a quiet vacation at home, but the locals, all aware of Nick’s reputation, assume he’s on a case. Then somebody gets shot on the family’s doorstep and the game’s afoot. If it sounds like a comparatively weak plot in comparison to the first four, you’d be absolutely right.

Characters
Nick Charles: William Powell Nick is still as lovable as ever, and its fun seeing him on edge because his father, a teetotaler, is difficult to please. And this leads to one of the least welcome changes of the movie: Nick is stone cold sober the entire time. They try to play it up by having all sorts of slapstick moments where Nick does something clumsy and people automatically assume he’s had too much to drink, but, honestly, the shift doesn’t work. Nick’s still badass though.

Nora Charles: Myrna Loy actually does a lot regarding the main plot of the film in this one. She’s trying to impress Nick’s dad with stories of his incredible detective work and when that doesn’t really work, she’s the one who shoves Nick into investigating who’s killed who and goes off on her own investigations. Nora’s still badass.

Dr. Bertram Charles: Harry Davenport is Nick’s dad, a respected small town doctor who’s trying to get a new hospital building built for the town. An upstanding citizen who’s not all that thrilled with Nick’s colorful past.

Mrs. Charles: Lucile Watson is Nick’s mother, and a kind, likable woman.

Peter Berton: Ralph Brooks is a local painter who ends up dead on the doorstep from a gunshot wound. Who killed him and why is the driving action of the plot.

Crazy Mary: Anne Revere (curiously enough a descendent of Paul Revere) is appropriately named as the town eccentric. She lives in a shack on the outskirts of town, mutters crazy things and has more to do with the central plot than first impressions would indicate.

Sam Ronson: Minor Watson plays a local factory owner who’s the big man in town. He’s also kind of a jerk who isn’t thrilled about Nick’s investigation and tries to lean on Dr. Charles, threatening to “delay” the hospital project if things continue.

Laura Ronson: Gloria DeHaven is Ronson’s daughter, a bit of a rebel who’s been involved with Peter Berton on and off before his death.

Edgar & Helena Draque: Leon Ames & Helen Vinson are a couple of art dealers/buyers from out of town that are very interested in buying one particular painting of Berton’s.

Dr. Bruce Clayworth: Lloyd Corrigan is an old friend of Nick’s and the town coroner. The two go way back and Bruce accompanies Nick on several of his investigations.

Brogan: Edward Brophy (who had a really small role in The Thin Man as a different character) is one of the many reformed crooks that Nick sent up the river. He happens to be on the same train as the Charles’s and essentially decides to tag along from a distance. There’s actually quite a few good jokes involving him, from him essentially camping in the bushes of Dr. Charles’ lawn to him being a very obvious red herring that Nora follows around town one night.

Visuals/Effects
Directed by Richard Thorpe, the film is competently shot, but taking the series out of the big city takes a lot out of the movie. Its hard to say exactly how, but things seem to bog down a lot in various places.

Writing
The screenplay by Robert Riskin & Harry Kurnitz has quite the complicated plot by the end of the movie, and it does hit the standard plot notes (setup, murder, Nick slowly gets more involved, more murders, serious detective time and then he gathers all the suspects into one room for the finale), but in a lot of ways, the film just lacks the energy of the previous outings. Its not as hilarious, and its not as, well, edgy, really.

Sound
The score by David Snell (and uncredited Lennie Hayton & Bronislau Kaper) gets the job done nicely but its nothing to write home about.

Conclusion
The Thin Man Goes Home is a definite downturn in the series. Its not a failure or anything, and some stuff works really well, but compared to the first four, its an inferior result.

“That's Mr. Charles, isn't it? This is a cocktail, isn't it? They'll get together.”

And next thing you know, its time for 1941’s Shadow Of The Thin Man, the last of the Van Dyke directed films. After this one, the franchise would change quite a bit for the last two films. And no, Myrna Loy does not look like that horrible, horrible monster in the poster.

Plot
So, Nick & Nora are back in San Francisco (again) and happen to arrive at a race track just as a whole bunch of cops swarm the place investigating the murder of a jockey who squawked about fixed races. Nick tries to stay out of it, despite the urgings of an eager reporter and friend and the deputy director of the racing committee. Well, Nick gets caught up in it anyway when the reporter gets arrested for the murder of another reporter, and by now you should be familiar with the drill.

Characters
Nick Charles: William Powell again, who’s ability to know when its time for a cocktail borders on the supernatural at this point. Still awesome and still likable.

Nora Charles: Myrna Loy is more proactive in this one, needling Nick into taking her to a wrestling match (where the next murder happens). She and Powell are still awesome together. How awesome? They made fourteen movies together, counting the six Thin Man films.

Nick Charles, Jr.: Richard Hall is a minor presence in the movie and doesn’t get in the way of the plot. The one scene where the Charles family sits down for a meal and Nicky orders his father to drink milk instead of a cocktail is priceless.

Paul Clarke: Barry Nelson is the reporter friend who gets framed for murder. Your standard ‘30s-‘40s supporting character male.

Molly: Donna Reed (yes, THAT one) is Paul’s fiancee and the secretary for Link Stephens, the crook who runs the gambling rackets in town.

Major Jason I. Sculley: Henry O’Neill is trying to put a dent in the local crime scene and unhappy that Nick refuses to help out at first.

“Whitey” Barrow: Alan Baxter is a crooked reporter in Stephens’ pocket, whitewashing stories involving the racketeer. Whitey’s also blackmailing Link’s girl and owes some people money, so its no major surprise that he ends up dead.

“Link” Stephens: Loring Smith is a crime lord who runs most of the shady gambling businesses in town.

Fred Macy: Joseph Anthony is Link’s lieutenant, a smug little bastard who’s alibi isn’t as air tight as it seems.

Claire Porter: Stella Adler is Link’s girl who’s been fooling around with Whitey on the side. Turns out she’s hiding more than she lets on too.

“Rainbow” Benny: Lou Lubin is a small time bookie working for Link and Whitey owes him a lot of money. He’s pretty much the guy everybody’s looking for.

Lieutenant Abrams: Same Levene is back as the cop on the scene. His comic mugging for the camera makes a welcome return.

Visuals/Effects
Maj. W.S. Van Dyke II for the last time on a Thin Man movie. Solid as always, though sadly “One-Take Woody” would commit suicide in 1943 while suffering from terminal cancer. Poor guy.

Writing
This time it was Harry Kurnitz & Irving Brecher on screenplay duties and things progress along as usual. By this point, the formula of the films was really entrenched and you’d have to try hard to screw it up. I also liked the gag about how Nick’s ability to sense alcohol nearby was essentially supernatural by this point.

Sound
David Snell’s score does the job and that’s about all I can remember.

Conclusion
Shadow of the Thin Man marks the end of the W.S. Van Dyke era of Thin Man films. Myrna Loy would take a break from acting to support the Red Cross during World War II and it would be a few years before the next film. Things get shaken up a little bit.

“I knew there was only one woman in the world who could attract men like that. A woman with a lot of money.”

Moving right along, here’s 1939’s Another Thin Man. By this point, everybody’s forgotten that the actual “Thin Man” was Wynant in the first movie and the name just kind of stuck to the Nick Charles character.

Plot
So Nick & Nora are back in New York, this time with a baby boy, Nicky Jr. in tow. They get called up to visit a Colonel MacFay, who was the financial manager of Nora’s assets, up at his country estate. They get there to find the Colonel’s extremely paranoid about his safety after a crook claiming prophetic dreams saw him dead three times. Well wouldn’t you know, the Colonel ends up dead and the search is on to find out whodunnit. Hilarity ensues.

Characters
Nick Charles: William Powell as usual, only this time, his presence at the scene of the crime ends up making him one of the suspects too. Fatherhood hasn’t slaked his thirst any.

Nora Charles: Myrna Loy, beautiful as usual. The Charles couple continues to be quite badass despite having a baby boy at this point.

Colonel Burr MacFay: C. Aubrey Smith is the Colonel, and an old acquaintance of Nora’s late father. He was taking care of the books, but it seems he’s got a shady past of his own. One where some people might want to see him killed.

Lois MacFay: Virginia Grey is the colonel’s daughter. She doesn’t react well to his death, getting sick a few times.

Dudley Horn: Patric Knowles is Lois’ fiancee and somewhat of a douche, though he would do anything to protect her.

Freddie Coleman: Tom Neal is the Colonel’s secretary and a generally soft-spoken guy who’s got a thing for Lois.

Mrs. Isabella Bellam: Phyllis Gordon is the MacFays’ housekeeper and someone who’s also hiding something.

Phil Church: Sheldon Leonard is the villain. He’s got a past with MacFay and is trying to shake the colonel down for money. A smart guy, he seems to have an alibi for everything.

“Diamond Back” Vogel: Don Costello is a shady character who’s keeping an eye on Church, though to what end remains in question.

H. Culverton “Smitty” Smith: Muriel Hutchison is Church’s girl, though she’s not quite divorced from her husband. She carries a little gun around in a leg holster.

Dum-Dum: Abner Biberman is Church’s right hand guy, and pretty handy with a knife.

“Creeps” Binder: Harry Bellaver is one of the many, many smalltime crooks that Nick sent up the river who don’t hold it against him. Creeps is the one who decides it would be a great idea to throw a birthday party for Nicky Jr. and invites a bunch of his pals to bring their kids (or somebody else’s kids) to the party. Shemp Howard being one of those individuals.

Lieutenant John Guild: Nat Pendleton returns as the lantern-jawed New York cop who’s on Nick’s side.

Assistant District Attorney Van Slack: Otto Kruger (from Dracula’s Daughter and Murder, My Sweet) is in charge of the investigation of the Colonel’s murder, and he’s very inclined to put the squeeze on Nick since its very convenient that the detective was around at just the right time.

Visuals/Effects
W.S. Van Dyke (now with II at the end of his name) returns and the film’s got all the standard “One-Take Woody” touches from the first film; a light and breezy style that shifts into “noir-mode” when detecting is done.

Writing
The husband & wife team of Albert Hackett & Frances Goodrich are back, and the banter flows as good as always. The plot itself goes into some interesting territory, what with the “prophetic dreams,” a law officer who kind of thinks Nick committed the murder, and the denouement, but to their credit none of it feels out of place or forced, which is nice.

Sound
The score by Edward Ward is appropriate and fine, just not that memorable.

Conclusion
Three movies in and the series is still going strong at the halfway point. Another Thin Man adds a lot of interesting touches, brings back some familiar faces, AND its got Shemp! If you’ve seen the first two, definitely see this one.

I'm A Big Dummy And Forgot A Title For This

Still on hiatus because of pressing issues absorbing writing time, but you may have noticed recent updates. This is of course a good thing for you, the reader, since it gives you new things to read. And if you somehow happen to be both new AND a reader, then there's quite a lot here for you to digest, you lucky devil. So take a look around, become a follower, feel free to comment on just wrong I am for not being impressed by Snatch. Go nuts.

Oh, and enjoy the trailer for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

I know I did.

In bed.

“Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm thirsty.”

You know, there’s six Thin Man movies in total, and you and I are going on a magical adventure of crime solving and booze with the Charles’s till the bitter end. Next up is 1936’s After The Thin Man.

Plot
Picking up where we left off in the first movie, we find Nick & Nora arriving in San Francisco hoping to spend a quiet New Year’s at home. Of course it doesn’t happen and the two end up spending time with family, much to Nick’s dismay. They also get dragged into family business when Nora’s cousin, Selma, is having a nervous fit because her louse of a husband’s been missing for a few days. They find him in a Chinese nightclub and send him home, and then he ends up murdered with Selma as a likely suspect. Now Nick & Nora try to figure out whodunnit. Hilarity ensues.

Characters
Nick Charles: William Powell shines again, especially when he’s sarcastically interacting with his in-laws. Naturally, he is still the hard-drinking private eye that he was established as.

Nora Charles: Myrna Loy gets to do a bit more since Nora’s dealing with family issues. She even tries to do some sleuthing on her own which doesn’t end according to plan. Nick & Nora remain the collective badasses of the movie.

Asta: There’s a comic subplot with Asta coming home to find Mrs. Asta hasn’t been faithful to him while he was gone.

Selma Landis: Elissa Landi is Nora’s fragile-minded cousin. Sympathetic, but also kind of loopy (in the bad way), she plays the part convincingly.

Aunt Katherine Forrest: Jessie Ralph plays the complete bitch who runs the Forrest mansion. She keeps Selma under her thumb and Nick can’t stand her.

Robert Landis: Alan Marshall is Selma’s asshole husband. He’s a drunk and a cheat, carrying on an affair with a nightclub singer. Fortunately, this waste of air shuffles off his mortal coil before too long to trigger the mystery.

David Graham: James Stewart (yes, THAT Jimmy Stewart) is an old friend of Selma’s who’s carried a torch for her ever since she spurned him and married Robert. Seems like he’d do anything to try and protect her.

Polly: Penny Singleton (as Dorothy McNulty), who’s probably best known to this reading audience as the voice of Jane Jetson, is a singer in a shady nightclub and Robert’s other woman. Turns out she’s also part of a scheme to get a lot of money out of Robert.

Dr. Kammer: George Zucco is the shady doctor who Aunt Katherine has watching Selma. It’s a small role, and I only mention him because he popped up in a few of the Universal Horror films looked at during last year’s Octoverride.

“Dancer”: Joseph Calleia is the owner of said seedy Chinese nightclub. He knows the Charles’s, though its far from the friendliest interaction.

Lieutenant Abrams: Sam Levene is the local cop who investigates the murder and gladly accepts Nick’s help. Abrams is a fun character and a good, solid sidekick to Nick & Nora, at turns competent and flabbergasted.
Visuals/Effects
W.S. Van Dyke returns as the director and that same kind of fast-paced, playful visual style returns in this movie. Things move fast, there are some interesting shots and the whole film breezes by like a refreshing, uh, breeze.

Writing
Frances Goodrich & Albert Hackett return to adapt a Dashiell Hammett story, and there’s not a whole lot to say that I didn’t for the first one. Dialogue is awesome, pacing is fast and the whole product is immensely entertaining. The plot does mirror the first movie a bit too much with the whole “murder, investigate, gather all the suspects for a finale,” but since its an excuse to have more Nick & Nora, I can’t really consider it a bad thing.

Sound
The original music by Herbert Stothart & Edward Ward gets the job done nicely, though it doesn’t really stand out.

Conclusion
After the Thin Man is a good, solid sequel that delivers “more of the same, only MORE!” quite successfully. The characters and dialogue are still solid. Recommended viewing.

“It's not true. He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids.”

So, if you took a detective novel written by Dashiell Hammett and adapted it to the screen in 1941, you’d get film noir classic The Maltese Falcon. If you took a detective novel written by Dashiell Hammett and adapted it to the screen in 1934, then you’d have The Thin Man, which is not at all film noir, but this is not necessarily a bad thing.

Plot
So there’s a scientist who’s kind of a jerk to everyone except his daughter, and he vanishes right after she announces her engagement. Some time later, shady characters he was connected to start dying and the daughter drags in a family friend who happens to be a former detective to figure out what’s going on. Oh yeah, and it’s a Christmas movie. Trust me when I say hilarity ensues.

Characters
Nick Charles: William Powell is our hero. Recently married and living the high life on his wife’s fortune, he is smart, laid back and easily the world’s most functional alcoholic. The guy is sauced from start to finish the entire movie and he rolls with martinis and cocktails, because he’s rich and beer isn’t alcoholic enough. Its not a hyperbole either. Drinking a cocktail whenever Nick does would be inadvisable for a drinking game, unless you like to see the floor from a closer vantage.

Nora Charles: Myrna Loy is the other half of the screen pair, and the chemistry they have is astoundingly good. She comes from money, but she’s no shrinking violet. She’s a spot on foil for Nick verbally and can almost keep up with his drinking. The dialog flies fast and the two are collectively the badass of the film.

Asta: The Charles’s dog/franchise mascot and often Nick’s partner in crime(solving).

Clyde Wynant: Edward Ellis is the titular Thin Man. When he goes missing, so does some money, and then his mistress ends up dead, making him the most wanted man in New York.

Dorothy Wynant: Maureen O’Sullivan is Wynant’s daughter, and aside from being the catalyst that gets the Charleses in on the case, is your standard issue 1930s secondary character.

Lieutenant John Guild: Nat Pendelton plays the New York cop who’s in charge of the investigation. He’s no match for Nick’s observations and makes a good comic sidekick for him. What he lacks in brain power, he makes up for in blunt force.

Julia Wolfe: Natalie Moorhead is Wynant’s secretary and mistress who was the last person to see him. She’s also the first corpse.

Mimi Jorgenson nee Wynant: Minna Gombell plays Wynant’s harpy of an ex-wife. She’s eager to find out where he is for money reasons.

Chris Jorgenson: Cesar Romero (Yes, THAT one) is Mimi’s younger husband, who happens to be a gigolo (the movie skirts around it, but the book’s pretty clear about it). A small role.

Gilbert: William Henry is Mimi’s headcase of a son who is morbidly fascinated with crime and dead bodies.

Herbert MacCaulay: Porter Hall is Wynant’s lawyer who’s also trying to figure out what’s going on.

Visuals/Effects
W.S. Van Dyke, a director nicknamed “One-take Woody” because of his fast shooting schedule (at least I hope that’s the reason) & James Wong Howe the director of photography made an incredibly smartly shot film for the low budget. Its not noir, that was still a good couple of years away, but the film does go into a “noir-ish” mode when Nick goes off to do some legitimate detective work.

Writing
Based on the novel by Dashiell Hammett and adapted by Albert Hackett & Frances Goodrich, the story is damn near perfect in terms of juggling characters and plot. The dialogue, however, is beyond top notch. Nick & Nora spar with words the way Errol Flynn & Basil Rathbone did with swords in Robin Hood. Sure, you could criticize Nick Charles for being a Mary Sue character, but Powell just plays it all up with a wink in his eyes and you totally accept that this former guy from the streets has a banter-based marriage with a beautiful woman, money out the wazoo, the adoration of law enforcement AND petty criminals everywhere, and he solves baffling murders in his spare time while plastered. Nick Charles is living the dream. The movie is a lot more lighthearted than the book, which doesn't shy away from some of the seedy themes, but it also happens to be a lot funnier while lifting most of the good bits from the novel.

Sound
William Axt provided the score, and it works really well with the movie, balancing comedy and intrigue when necessary.

Conclusion
I love this movie. I really do. Its light and airy and ballsy with a little edge all at once. Sure, there’s fun to be had in the criminal investigation and the supporting characters, but the real draw of it is in watching Powell & Loy drink and waltz through the film effortlessly together, especially since they became the archetype for pretty much every crime-solving couple to follow.


There's just something likable about old school movie trailers that completely play around with the fourth wall

Just keeping the cobwebs out

Hey gang, sorry this isn't a real update, but I didn't want you to think I'd let these fields go totally fallow. Unfortunately time hasn't permitted me to write anything for this in preperation, so, uh... here's some filler content on trailers for upcoming movies that seem promising. In no particular order.



Yeah, I know. Hut Tub Time Machine? Yes, it could end up sucking really bad, BUT, its getting some good buzz and I like the main cast, so its one of those "cautiously optimistic" situations.


Clash of the Titans. Now, the original's got a special place in my shriveled, bitter heart because of Ray Harryhausen going to town on the effects. Despite the fact that the remake looks like its going for the "everything is brown" take on the past and that Sam Worthington bored the crap out of me in Avatar, this movie had me at "Liam Neeson is Zeus."


Kick-Ass just seems like the kind of vulgar, violent, funny independent action movie that needs to cap spring. That and director Matthew Vaughn has made some solid movies so far.


Another big budget historical epic from Ridley Scott? I don't care how brown it is or how historically inaccurate the plot may be, I'm there.


Never was a big Tron fan back in the day, but I gotta admit, Tron Legacy is looking mighty good.


Solomon Kane. Robert E. Howard's demon-slaying Puritan.


Good thing I saved the Iron Man 2 trailer for last, because now I need to change my shorts. Again.

“You're just not thinking fourth dimensionally!”

Well, here it is, the finale of the trilogy, 1990s Back to the Future Part III. Following on directly after Part II (since they were filmed together) it wraps up the series, and gives a heaping dose of Wild West ADVENTURE!

Plot
Picking up where we left off in the last film, Marty is currently stuck in 1955 and Doc is in 1885. Marty has to go back there and save Doc’s life, so 50’s Doc sends him back and Marty promptly gets stuck in the Wild West when the DeLorean runs out of gas. So, they’ve gotta figure out a way to get the car up to 88mph before Biff Tannen’s ancestor kills the Doc. The plot is, surprisingly, less complicated than the previous installments.

Characters
Marty McFly: Michael J. Fox one last time, getting to play cowboy. The character’s pretty well defined here and no real surprises. Still doesn’t like being called chicken and still has Flea as Needles, his nemesis (for all of two minutes at the end).

Dr. Emmett Brown: Christopher Lloyd is the star of the show here, no question. He’s set himself up as the town blacksmith and all around awesome guy who’s able to use his secret knowledge from the future to…well, actually just help people out actually. He’s made an enemy of this era’s Tannen though. And in this movie, Doc Brown falls in love. He is quite badass.

Maggie McFly: Lea Thompson as Marty’s ancestor (and his mom, at the end too), she and her husband are new in town.

Seamus McFly: Michael J. Fox is the mustachioed ancestor of Marty who’s married to Maggie. When you think about it, its kind of weird.

Clara Clayton: Mary Steenburgen is a schoolteacher who’s saved from falling into a ravine by Doc, essentially altering history. She & Doc fall in love thanks in part to a mutual appreciation of Jules Verne.

Buford “Mad Dog” Tannen: Thomas F. Wilson is a lot more murderous as a desperado in the Tannen ancestry.

Visuals/Effects
Robert Zemeckis directing and Dean Cundey cinematographing worked twice before and works here too, maintaining the same level of energy and ADVENTURE! the series is known for. It also happens to be a Western (well, an homage) so it touches on a lot of visual nods to standards of the genre. Effects are still solid, especially the end of the movie, which was my very first delicious taste of steampunk. You know what I’m talking about.

Writing
Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale wrapped up everything quite nicely in this one. Dialog is great, pacing is too and the whole thing is a hell of a lot of fun.

Sound
Alan Silvestri once more brings the awesomeness, merging the iconic “Back to the Future theme” with Western flourishes that just scream ADVENTURE!

“The Power of Love” gets a callback, and ZZ Top contributed a song, “Doubleback”

Conclusion
Okay, so these movies are exemplary of the effects-driven big budget blockbusters that glut our theaters every summer, I will admit that. But there is a major difference. Back to the Future as a whole is really damn good. There’s heart to it, and some great ideas driving the madness forward, and most importantly, these movies are damn fun. These movies were popular for that reason.

And that marks an excellent place to mark my hiatus. Decided by necessity and responsibility rather than a desire to stop updating for the next couple of months. Doesn’t mean I’ll let the cobwebs build up in here though. There will probably be a couple back up features, hopefully a review on a semi-weekly basis, maybe some guest reviews, and some other stuff to try and increase audience numbers and participation.

So, I’d like to thank anyone and everyone who has helped make RMWC Reviews get this far. Honestly, without a lot of the feedback I’ve received from my offline enablers, this thing wouldn’t have made it past twenty.

“Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need…roads.”

Right. So Back to the Future earned its accolades and in 1989, they decided to do it all over again with most of the people that made the first a success. So here’s Back to the Future Part II.

Plot
We pick up a minute or so before the first movie ends, with Doc Brown showing up in 1985 with a further modified DeLorean (it can fly now) and he grabs Marty and his girlfriend to deal with some trouble relating to Marty’s life in the future. So they jump to 2015 and Marty has to masquerade as his own son so as to avoid Marty Jr. from getting arrested, succeeds, but 2015 Biff Tannen sneaks a trip in the machine with an almanac, hands it off to his 50’s self, causing the timeline to change and when Marty, Doc & Jennifer get back to 1985, they find Hill Valley a dystopian nightmare ruled by Biff Tannen. So NOW they’ve got to get back to the 50’s and make foil Tannen’s rise to power after the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.

Trust me, it makes sense in context.

Mostly.

Hey, look over there! Its ADVENTURE!

Characters
Marty McFly: Michael J. Fox as his 80’s and 2010 self AND own son. Well, Marty’s still Marty, and he’s still incredibly charismatic as our hero. They did give him the new trait of going into a rage when somebody calls him chicken. He also gets a nemesis of sorts in Needles, played by Flea (yes, the bassist). Also, he gets a goddamn hoverboard in the future. This is both extremely awesome and infuriating, because its 2010 now and all we’ve got are stupid Segways.

Dr. Emmett Brown: Christopher Lloyd continues to be awesome. He knows what’s going on and what to do, but this movie is Marty’s show for the most part.

Jennifer Parker: Elisabeth Shue is Marty’s girl (and a different actress from who it was in the first movie). She’s a normal girl swept up in things, and gets hella freaked out when she meets her future self.

Biff Tannen: Thomas F. Wilson is back as the villain, and here, Old Biff is a hell of a lot more competent than his younger self, and throughout the movie, Biff engages in some first class dickery regarding the McFly family. Its kind of badass. Billy Zane remains one of his henchmen.

Griff Tannen: Thomas F. Wilson again as his cybernetics-enhanced, butthead of a descendant.

Lorraine Baines McFly: Lea Thompson is once more Marty’s mom, but she’s not as integral to the plot anymore.

George McFly: Jeffrey Weissman replaces Crispin Glover as Marty’s dad (aside from some footage carried over from the first movie). He’s an even smaller presence in the film.

Visuals/Effects
Robert Zemeckis is back as director and Dean Cundey is back as director of photography, and having both of them back helps the movie seamlessly fit in with the previous one. Effects are more central, what with all the time jumping, but the movie knows not to linger too long after its done with a particular time period. And the ending proves to be just as epic as the one in Part I.

Writing
Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale again, and they tie everything together quite nicely. The movie covers a lot of ground, but to its credit, its not difficult to follow and holds its cohesion as much as you would expect a lighthearted time travel ADVENTURE! film to.

Sound
Alan Silvestri’s score picks right up where it left off: being awesome. There are some period appropriate songs, like “Mr. Sandman” for a lot of the 50s stuff (yeah, it was in the first movie too, but I forgot to mention it).

Conclusion
Its got the odd distinction of being the Back to the Future movie I’ve seen the least, but damn is it fun. Not quite as tight as Part I, Part II is still a rollicking good time.

“I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.”

Oh God. I mean, Zardoz was just…wow. Look, I knew the risks going in, but you guys weren’t ready for this. I need to make it up to you guys before I go on an extended hiatus because of learnin’ obligations. Something from the 1980s should do nicely. Something ambitious. Something that just gleams with the bright glow of ADVENTURE!

Something where you don’t need money, don’t need fame, don’t need a credit card to ride this train.

Something like 1985’s Back To The Future!

Plot
You should know this already. BUT, for those unenlightened in the audience, here’s how it goes. An American teenager in the 1980s hangs out with a mad scientist who invents a time machine and installs it in a DeLorean. Because. While testing the machine, the scientist gets gunned down by vindictive Libyans and our Hero escapes in time to 1955 and gets stuck there. He teams up with the younger 1955 mad scientist and accidentally runs into his parents as teenagers, sort of triggering a time paradox that starts wiping his siblings (and eventually himself) from existence, so he has to make sure that his future mom & dad get together at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance so he can survive long enough for lightning to strike the town clock tower so he can get back to the future (DUN DUN DUN!) and return to his normal life. Standard stuff, really.

Characters
Marty McFly: Michael J. Fox in his most iconic role (even more so than Teen Wolf). He’s an everyman kind of hero, and its honestly refreshing seeing McFly as a well-adjusted, normal kid in High School who’s only family issues are that his parents are kind of lame. No orphans, no broken home, no clichéd social cripple situation for him. He’s also fairly competent when it comes to fixing the problem he created, and arguably, he’s pretty badass in this.

Dr. Emmet Brown: Christopher Lloyd plays things up big time as the friendly neighborhood mad scientist who’s invented a Flux Capacitor for time travel and installed it in a car. He’s pretty much the same in either time period, which adds to the charm of it.

Lorraine Baines McFly: Lea Thompson is Marty’s mom. Under a ton of frumpy makeup for 80’s mom, she’s herself as 50’s Lorraine, and to Marty’s unintentionally Oedipal surprise, extremely frisky.

George McFly: Crispin Glover is Marty’s dorky dad. When Marty gets to ‘55, George is revealed as, well, a shy, dorky sci-fi nut, and its Marty’s job to make sure he gets the girl.

Biff Tannen: Thomas F. Wilson is pretty much the perfect 80’s movie villain. Both 80’s and 50’s versions are just a gigantic meat headed assholes with a habit of mangling metaphors. Comical, but also dangerous enough to be taken semi-seriously. He’s also got henchmen, including one who wears 3-D glasses all the time and Billy Zane as another. Awesome.

Visuals/Effects
Robert Zemeckis in charge and Dean Cundey handled cinematography, and the two of them make the film an awesome looking event. The effects are astounding, the pacing is tense without becoming overbearing, and everything just clicks nicely.

Writing
Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale take a fairly complicated plot and keep it light and moving without it seeming too derivative of anything else out there. Dialog is great and the whole movie refuses to take itself too seriously while avoiding winking at the audience all of the time.

Sound
The movie wouldn’t be half as awesome without Alan Silvestri’s absolutely EPIC score. The main fanfare just blows your hair back, and the big, sweeping flourishes throughout the movie completely sell the action. Think of the climactic clock tower scene. Wouldn’t be nearly as tense without the music treating it like the most important thing in the world.

There’s also some other songs, like a little bit of Chuck Berry and Huey Lewis (who also makes a cameo appearance as some school official in the 80s period) provided the official “Theme Song” for the movie.

Conclusion
In a lot of ways, Back To The Future is a quintessential 80’s Adventure! movie. An original concept married to ambitious visuals and delivered with shameless enthusiasm. The end result just pulses with a certain power.

And that’s the Power of Love!

“Zardoz speaks to you, His chosen ones.”

This marks the 100th RMWC review (not counting the 31 for Halloween and…well, it sounds better than 132, that’s why!) Let us commemorate this with parades, fanfares, beautiful women throwing flower petals from baskets, and heroic couplets!

You think I'm joking?

Let us celebrate the achievement of this worthy cause
With a film from 1974 called Zardoz!

Plot

In some nuclear ravaged future time, where many humans will be dead

There are “Exterminators” who kill in the name of a giant floating head.

Zardoz their god is named, who promotes war not love

And spits up guns for his worshippers from above.

One curious Exterminator sneaks his way inside

To find what secrets his God may have to hide.

He is transported to a “Vortex” where the Immortals dwell

Though to most of them their life is an undying hell

Will our Exterminator bring their utopia to a violent end?

And can this reviewer’s damaged sanity ever mend?

Characters

Zed: Sean Connery in a role to distance himself from James Bond,

He clearly succeeded, though of this we’re not fond.

Clad in thigh high boots and a red diaper

This hirsute Scotsman stings eyes like a viper.
His purpose is confusing, his situation surreal,
Though he is quite eager to grab breasts and feel.

Consuella: Charlotte Rampling is of the Immortal science chiefs
And Zed’s sudden appearance is enough to cause fits in her briefs.
Whether revulsion or lust is mostly unclear
His arrival both arouses and fills her with fear.

May: Sara Kestelman is another Immortal of high rank
I’m unsure of her position. She heads a think tank?
She counsels Zed somewhat, giving him information
Though her purpose for doing so I have to question.

Friend: John Alderton is Zed’s keeper, consumed by ennui
He longs for death because he is unhappy
He’s made a “Renegade” for not going to level two;
His body is aged and sent to an old people zoo.

Arthur Frayn: Niall Buggy is the man behind the head
Through twists and turns, we learn he wishes he were dead
He concocts Zardoz as a means to train those who can kill
But his marker drawn face and silly talk just makes him a pill.

Zardoz: Last is our god, the flying head of stone
After we get to Vortex 4 it flies to another zone
Gone from the film, but most certainly not forgotten
Though his pearls of wisdom are certainly rotten.
“The gun is good” and “The penis is evil”
But one thing I’ll say that is immune from upheaval:
Pretentious or not, this fake god has class
And since nobody else is, he’s the movie’s badass.



Visuals/Effects
John Boorman directed Excalibur, which is fondly regarded,
Also made this in a time where his brain must’ve farted.
While competently shot on location in Ireland
The pacing and editing were lost on that island.
Scenes will drag on and on and on interminably
Only to jump cut to some other monstrosity.
The special effects were laughable even at best,
Though admittedly, there is no shortage of breasts.

Writing
John Boorman again, and there’s something we can learn
To not do drugs, no matter how much you might yearn.
This convoluted fable of man’s fractured state was
In part based, strangely, on “The Wizard of Oz.”
The dialog is awful, the characters absurd
Its quite laughable, this pretentious turd.

Sound
David Munrow provided the original score
And it is appropriate for this cinematic chore.
Trippy and strange is the order of the day,
The soundtrack obliges in its own little way.

Conclusion
This movie is wretched in almost every way
Its images still haunt me to this very day
I advise against viewing this colossal mess
Unless you like imagining Connery in a dress
Not the most unpleasant experience I’ve had, by far,
But this is an ordeal and it WILL leave a scar.


Trust me on this, the trailer is exactly like the movie, only mercifully three minutes long.

“Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.”

Might as well make it a double feature of Tarantino films that I get weird looks for not having seen before. Here’s 1994’s Pulp Fiction, which is considered one of Tarantino’s best.

Plot
So…its complicated. We’ve got the interlacing stories that all connect to a crime boss. One story involves the misadventures of a pair of loquacious hitmen trying to get a MacGuffin in a briefcase to their boss. Another involves one of the hitmen taking the boss’s wife out on the town, and finally we get the story of a boxer who tries to cheat the crime lord by not throwing a fight and then trying to get away with it. Now take those three main storylines, and just mix them up out of order into several chapters that you have to piece together like a jigsaw.

Characters
Vincent Vega: John Travolta became a respectable actor again after this. The not-coincidentally named Vega is a pretty dumb lug who’s just back from Europe. Vincent is a (mostly) competent hitman, but he’s also incredibly sloppy, a heroin user, and has absolutely terrible trigger discipline that causes more problems.

Jules Winnfield: Samuel L. Jackson in the movie that made Samuel L. Jackson the badass he is today. Jules is the jheri curl wearing, eloquent and smarter member of the hitman duo (and its fun watching him act circles around Travolta). Jules is awesome and everything he says is awesome too. He has a religious experience that convinces him to give up his murderin’ ways.

Marsellus Wallace: Ving Rhames is our crime boss. He’s got a hot wife, a strip club, and would like to make it very clear that he does not like being treated like a bitch.

Butch Coolidge: Bruce Willis is a boxer in the twilight of his career who agreed to throw a fight for Wallace, didn’t and gets into quite a bit of trouble because of it (and because he wanted to get his watch back)

Mia Wallace: Uma Thurman is Wallace’s sexy actress wife who likes to party. Ultimately a minor character in the grand scheme of things, she and Vincent have a night out that ends badly.

Winston “The Wolf” Wolfe: Harvey Keitel is a “cleaner” who gets called in to clean up a mess Vincent made in the backseat of Jules’ car. Manages he is the badass of the film (even out-badassing Jules).

Captain Koons: Christopher Walken plays an army veteran in a flashback that brings Butch’s father’s watch back home. Is it really necessary to the story? Not really. BUT its Christopher Walken going off on a truly insane monologue, so who cares?

Ringo/Pumpkin & Yolanda/Honey Bunny: Tim Roth & Amanda Plummer are two small time crooks who try to rob a restaurant that Jules & Vincent happened to stop into.

Marvin: Phil LaMarr (a guy who’s done a TON of voice work, including Samurai Jack and Green Lantern on Justice League) is Marsellus Wallace’s inside man that Jules & Vincent meet up with. Vincent’s trigger discipline leads to the "Bonnie Situation." Tarantino must have a thing against guys named Marvin.

Visuals/Effects
Quentin Tarantino had more of a budget here, and the presentation is incredibly slick with lots of great colors and scenes. Editing is outstanding too, since it maintains coherence throughout the breaks and stops in narrative.

Writing
Quentin Tarantino (with some help from Roger Avary) keeps going with the snappy dialog and sudden twists and turns. He juggles a lot of plots in this, and succeeds in keeping them all in the air and interesting. And for those counting F-bombs, its used 265 times.

Sound
No score, but plenty of music. This time most of it is drawn from the 1950s, including some surf guitar. Everything is better with surf guitar.

Conclusion
Pulp Fiction, while it doesn’t really have much of anything to do with the pulp serial novels of the 1930s, is a hell of a ride. Slick, stylish and eminently quotable, at times it feels a little too slick for its own good, but never gets bogged down in how cool it is. It’s a great movie, though I do like Reservoir Dogs better.