Well, time for some bonus schlock. Here’s 1958’s La momia azteca contra el robot humano (aka The Robot Vs The Aztec Mummy), which was apparently the third in a trilogy of films centering around the titular mummy.
And let me tell you, this one is insane.
Plot
Well, most of this movie is exposition told through flashbacks to previous movies. The basic gist is that Mr. Scientist/Narrator had some ideas about past life experiences and hypnosis, did that on his wife, found out she used to be an Aztec princess back in the day who was sacrificed and buried along with an ancient breastplate and bracelet that apparently was also the guide to more Aztec treasure. Of course, when they got there they also find out that the treasure is guarded by a mummy. Stuff happens, another scientist guy, who’s evil, wants the treasure for himself. The evil scientist hypnotizes the good scientist’s wife, has her show him the tomb where the mummy set up shop and then decides to build a robot to fight the mummy so they can steal the bracelet and breastplate, which is a completely logical thing to do.
Characters Dr. Eduardo Almada: Ramón Gay (who looks like a Mexican J. Jonah Jameson) is our Hero, a man of Science with a hot wife and grave robbing tendencies (well, he DID activate the Mummy by stealing the breastplate & bracelet in the first place). He’s pretty boring though.
Flor/Flora Almada: Rosa Arenas plays Eduardo’s hot wife who’s got the unfortunate habit of getting hypnotized a lot and/or kidnapped.
Dr. Krupp aka The Bat: Luis Aceves Castañeda devours scenery as the mad-eyed rogue scientist. Easily the most entertaining character, largely because he really is insane. I mean, after getting his ass beat by the mummy before, he finds the mummy’s new resting place, then disappears for five years, spends a fortune to build one of the worst looking robots ever so that he can steal the mummy’s treasures, find a horde of Aztec gold and then get rich and/or take over the world. That’s commitment right there.
Popoca: Ángel Di Stefani (who was Popoca in the other two Aztec Mummy movies) is probably the most fleshed out character in the movie, and he just growls. Turned into a mummy for his forbidden love, he’s doomed to forever guard a cheap set of “treasure.” And he kills people who steal the treasure (unless they give it back). You know, I actually don’t have any real complaints about him. He’s the one who does everything. I’m convinced he’s the actual protagonist and not boring ol’ Doctor Exposition. The badass of the film.
The Robot: Special. Effects. Failure. He makes Popoca’s costume look top notch. At least Popoca’s got knees.
Visuals/Effects
Raphael Portillo was the director of this. Pacing is all over the place. A lot of stuff happens, but most of it is told in expository flashbacks. The movie is only around 65 minutes and about two thirds of it are flashbacks. That’s…not good at all. I understand that this was the third in a three movie cycle, but really, it doesn’t have to go THAT overboard on exposition and recycled footage. The sets look cheap and the special effects are awful, although the mummy’s costume isn’t actually that bad, all things considered.
Writing
Guillermo Calderón and Alfredo Salazar on story duty. I think a large part of the blame belongs to them, largely because most of the movie is a flashback. I understand they probably didn't have much of a budget to start with, but still.
Now, I watched the English dub, so I can’t really say anything about the dialogue, but, well it can’t be much better than the bland nonsense of the dub. And either way, I’m sure Dr. Krupp remains quite loquacious, which is a positive.
Sound
Original music by Antonio Díaz Conde. Mostly it’s just there, however, the Aztec singing done during the flashback ritual is godawfully annoying (of course, the god in question might be Itztli or Chalmecatecuchtlz, but who can be sure?)
Conclusion
You know, for a movie called The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy, there isn’t a whole lot of Robot vs. Mummy action. The bulk of the film is a boring piece of dreck and the human characters (aside from the Bat) are stiff, wooden and boring. Still, there are some bright spots. The Bat is a goofy as all hell villain and the actor really hams things up. Popoca isn’t too bad as far as mummies go and the robot is so hilariously awful that it goes through some kind of quantum state where it transforms into something sublimely brilliant. I mean, it IS the creation of a MAD scientist after all.
Well, here’s 1998’s Lethal Weapon 4 (Director‘s Cut), the last in the series. 3 wasn’t bad, but it did feel a little dull around the edges. I have to admit, the modest 2 disc set with all four movies has so far been a totally worthwhile investment for 10 bucks.
Plot
So our heroes are facing the very real fact that they are getting on in years, but on the bright side, Riggs’ lover is pregnant and so is Murtaugh’s eldest daughter, so life springs eternal, yes? After a chance encounter on a boat, they stumble upon a boat smuggling Chinese slave laborers into the country to work for a counterfeiting ring run by the Triads, who are looking to expand their operations in the US considerably.
Characters Sergeant Martin Riggs: Mel Gibson’s Riggs is finally starting to slow down as a cowboy cop. He’s got a girlfriend and a baby on the way. His life is finally turned around from where it was in the first movie. Its kind of nice to see him finally in a stable, happy relationship after four movies.
Sergeant Roger Murtaugh: Danny Glover’s Murtaugh is finally going to become a grandpa, though he doesn’t know it yet and his family is keeping it a secret from him. He also takes in a family of Chinese illegals from the boat because he kind of sees himself “freeing slaves” as he puts it (cheesy, yes, but also kind of nice of him).
Detective Lorna Cole: Rene Russo spends the whole movie pregnant, so she doesn’t get to beat ass like in 3. Still, she’s fine in the role for what it is.
Leo Getz: Joe Pesci’s character is now a private investigator, much to the endless amusement of our heroes. Still the same foul-mouthed rascal he was in the other films, he also gets a moment near the end where he gets to develop the character past the second dimension in a surprisingly touching monologue.
Rianne Murtaugh Butters: Traci Wolfe (who’s been in all of the Lethal Weapon movies as Murtaugh’s eldest daughter, I just left her off the reviews because each time previously would’ve read: She feels somewhat attracted to Riggs and at some point gets threatened or captured in the movie) is daddy’s little girl all grown up. She’s secretly pregnant and engaged to:
Detective Lee Butters: Chris Rock is a new cop on the force and an eager go-getter. And, since he’s going to be Roger’s son-in-law, he tries to make nice to him all the time. Murtaugh, amusingly enough, mistakes Butters for a homosexual for the level of ass kissing done.
Wah Sing Ku: Jet Li gets to be the badass of the film not just because he’s a martial arts superstar, but also because we’ve finally got a layered villain with some sympathetic qualities who remains a total bastard. He’s a bad man who’s big in the Triads and in charge of the counterfeiting ring. His goal is to secure the release and delivery to America of the “Four Fathers,” a group of very high ranking Triads.
Visuals/Effects
Richard Donner and director of photography Andrzej Bartkowiak handle the visuals very well in this one. And it’s got all the expected Lethal Weapon touches: car chases, shootouts, occasional fistfights and explosions. Nothing wrong with being consistent. Particularly memorable is the opening scene where our heroes have to take out a guy with a homemade flamethrower and suit of armor. Its not really important to the plot, but who cares? Its like Ned Kelly with a flamethrower vs. Riggs & Murtaugh.
Writing
Characters created by Shane Black, with Jonathan Lemkin, Alfred Gough & Miles Millar on story and Channing Gibson on screenplay. That may be a lot of names, but you know what, the story is quite a bit better than 3 and 2 in a lot of ways (Major points for giving us a good villain again). What I do have to admit (and this is for the whole franchise) is that despite the different writing teams and the constant additions of new characters to the recurring cast, the series really handles character growth and interaction really well. The characters click together very nicely which helps elevate the series above the often silly and implausible turns the plots take.
Sound
Michael Kamen, Eric Clapton & David Sanborn once more, and why break up a team that works, I say. There’s also songs from Van Halen & War.
Conclusion Lethal Weapon 4 is a solid cap for the franchise, and you know what, it’s a fun series. Sure its not pretentiously high art, but it does deliver solid character-driven action/comedy with great banter and great action scenes. These are not bad things by any means. There are considerably worse ways to waste your time. I suppose the inevitable comparison to Die Hard must be made, what with the first films in each series being awesome (initially) Christmas-themed action thrill rides, but ultimately its really a case of looking at Coke & Cherry Coke. Its still the same sugar water, just with enough variations in flavor to justify appreciating them independently.
Now if only there had been a crossover film at some point with John McLane teaming up with Riggs & Murtaugh. Now that non-existent film would’ve had some killer explosions. Le Sigh.
1992 brought Lethal Weapon 3 to theaters, promising more Riggs & Murtaugh antics, which should never be a bad thing. Time for the Director’s Cut.
Plot
So Roger Murtaugh is eight days away from retirement and very, very, very aware of the danger that means to a buddy cop such as himself. So of course he & Riggs screw up royally in a bomb defusing situation and get busted down to patrolmen, where they stumble on a gunrunning scheme that’s putting a lot of high powered “cop killer” ammunition and guns in the hands of the LA street gangs (which restores them to sergeant status). Car chases, big explosions, buddy cop banter and shootouts ensue.
Characters Sergeant Martin Riggs: Mel Gibson’s character is now trying to quit smoking, so in desperation he resorts to dog biscuits, displacing his addiction onto them. Its funnier than how I explain it. His whole arc is about starting a relationship with a new woman, finally having coped with (and avenged) his wife’s death.
Sergeant Roger Murtaugh: Danny Glover’s character provides some fun meta-commentary on the old cop movie cliché of the guy who’s “one week away from retirement.” Then he goes and shoots a gang kid in self defense who happened to be his son’s friend and falls into a guilt-ridden depression. Character development!
Leo Getz: Joe Pesci returns, only this time as a real estate agent for the Murtaughs’ who are trying to sell their house after Roger retires. Again, he’s a largely unwanted sidekick, but provides some useful information.
Detective Lorna Cole: Rene Russo plays an Internal Affairs officer looking into how the heavy firepower is getting onto the streets. She gets involved in the case with our heroes, then she gets involved with Riggs in particular, if you know what I mean. She also gets to kick some serious ass in the film, so why not, she’s the badass.
Jack Travis: Stuart Wilson is our bad guy, a cop gone rogue who’s running a massive gun smuggling racket because he wants to… wants to… get back at the police force for some reason? It’s been a little while since I saw it, but I’m really drawing a blank here on his motivation. That’s not a good sign in a villain. Though in his defense, he’s a very hands-on kind of villain who does his own dirty work.
Visuals/Effects
Richard Donner again, but this time with Jan de Bont as cinematographer. It’s a Lethal Weapon movie, so we get a lot of finely done action sequences. The shootout at the end is particularly memorable because it involves a construction site being lit on fire.
Writing
Jeffrey Boam and Robert Mark Kamen on screenplay & story duty with Shane Black getting credit for the characters. The movie hits all the right notes to qualify as a Lethal Weapon movie: witty character banter, simple villains you enjoy seeing get their comeuppance, the occasional heavy-handed social commentary and so on, but while the script gets more right than it does wrong (Riggs & Murtaugh are so fun that I just don’t really care about the “villain of the week” in these movies) there isn’t all that much that’s impressive from a storytelling standpoint. Happily, the “blowing stuff up” standpoint gets top marks.
Sound
Michael Kamen, Eric Clapton & David Sanborn are joined by Elton John on the score, which yields some pretty fun results. We also get songs by Eric Clapton, Elton John, Boyz II Men and Cypress Hill. It’s a pretty good spread.
Conclusion
Curiously, these Lethal Weapon reviews are relatively short, largely because I don’t have any reason to tear them to pieces or raise them up onto a pedestal. I’m also repeating myself a lot, like when I say this: Lethal Weapon 3 is a fun action movie with some great set pieces and entertaining characters, though it’s not a particularly original or transcendent film. So far, I’d say Lethal Weapon 3 was the runt of the litter.
Lethal Weapon was a big hit, so 1989 brought a sequel, the aptly named Lethal Weapon 2. I’ve got nothing else to add here so let’s get to the Director’s Cut.
Plot
So Riggs & Murtaugh start off in a car chase that ends in a crash and the discovery that the perp’s car was full of South African Krugerrands (coins illegal in the US at the time). After some mysterious threats to the Murtaugh family, the team end up running witness protection to a federal witness who’s going to rat out a South African drug smuggling ring hiding behind the consulate in Los Angeles, (remember, this was during Apartheid). Buddy cop antics ensue.
Characters Sergeant Roger Murtaugh: Danny Glover seems to get the bulk of the character development in this movie, what with having his family threatened by bad guys. Again. Except its worse this time, since they break into his home several times and they’re eeeeeeeviiiiillll South African racists. Still, by the end of the movie, Murtagh proves himself to be quite the badass with his revolver.
Sergeant Martin Riggs: Mel Gibson is starting to heal from the loss of his wife, but then he finds out that one of the South Africans is a hired killer and was responsible for Riggs’ wife’s death in an “accident” that was meant for him. I’m not sure if that’s a plot hole or not, but whatever. He wants to get some vengeance for that.
Leo Getz: Joe Pesci turns in an interesting performance as a weasely, foul-mouthed white collar criminal who’s first on the list for the smugglers to wipe off since he’s going to testify. He becomes an unwanted sidekick for our heroes with some funny bits.
Arjen Rudd: Joss Ackland (who’s deep bass voice has been in a lot of movies and tv shows) is the smug and corrupt South African minister of diplomatic affairs for the LA Consulate, and DAMN he is a real bastard who waves around his diplomatic immunity like it was a sparkler on the Fourth of July. Only, he wouldn’t do that because he’s not American and… Okay, simile over.
Pieter Vorstedt: Derrick O’Connor is Rudd’s right hand man, and a real bastard himself. He’s the guy who killed Riggs’ wife.
Rika van den Haas: Patsy Kensit is Rudd’s blonde bombshell secretary who is the only not-evil South African in the film. She doesn’t agree with Rudd’s stances and doesn’t know he’s a drug smuggler. She also draws Riggs’ attention because, well, she’s hot. The relationship doesn’t really end well.
Visuals/Effects
Director Richard Donner & cinematographer Stephen Goldblatt again and visually we get a lot more of what the first movie established. Car chases, gunfights, occasional helicopter stuff and explosions (and various combinations thereof). Not very deep, but its well shot and fun to watch, so mission accomplished.
Writing
Shane Black & Warren Murphy on Story, Jeffrey Boam on Screenplay. The story is…a bit odd to say the least. First, it paints a significantly unflattering light on all white South Africans as either moustache-twirling villains or clueless/powerless to do anything. Look, Apartheid was an awful, awful system, but the lack of subtlety about it here is…not so much surprising as it is disappointing. The villains are pretty weak in this film compared to the last one, which is a shame, considering the character development done with Riggs & Murtaugh. It feels a bit like a very dark (and things do get surprisingly dark at points) R rated after school special in its message.
Still, the movie has some very bright spots, like the absolutely hilarious-yet-tense toilet bomb scene.
Sound
Michael Kamen & Eric Clapton joined by David Sanborn. The music is fine in general and includes quite a few songs by the Skyliners among other things.
Conclusion Lethal Weapon 2 is an entertaining ride, but its also somewhat weighed down by trying to make some serious social commentary on institutional racism in South Africa and this isn’t the right kind of movie for that kind of effort. I mean, its got a toilet bomb for crying out loud! Not quite as recommended as the first, but it does continue the adventures of Riggs & Murtaugh, and that’s always a fun time.
Remember how I was late to the Die Hard party? Same thing for Lethal Weapon, which is curious, because it involves director Richard Donner and writer Shane Black, both of whom have contributed to my considerable cinematic enjoyment over the last year. Let’s hope that hot streak continues with 1987’s Lethal Weapon, Director’s Cut.
Plot
So, it’s the holidays in LA, and a topless woman hopped up on cocaine falls to her death from an apartment building. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Turns out she was the daughter of a fairly influential army veteran who’s got a friend on the LAPD. That cop, a 20 year veteran who likes to play by the book happens to be assigned a new partner, a younger, suicidally reckless widower with a mullet. Together, they start investigating the death and discover that it might not have been a suicide after all. Can these two cops with opposite personalities learn how to become buddies? Well, yes, obviously. It’s a buddy cop movie.
Characters Sergeant Martin Riggs: Mel Gibson is in full-on damaged goods mode as a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. Served in Vietnam, then joined the LAPD, he was a good cop until his wife died in a car accident a few years back. Now he lives in a trailer by the ocean with his dog and hires prostitutes to sit at home and watch The Three Stooges with him because he’s lonely. He’s also a gun-toting badass that’s been labeled a “Lethal Weapon” (DUN DUN DUN) by police psychologists.
Sergeant Roger Murtaugh: Danny Glover is a cop who’s a family man and 20 year veteran of the force and gets a new partner assigned to him on his 50th birthday. Guess who that is? Murtaugh is the voice of reason, by-the-book, slightly old fashioned half of the partnership. He also served in Vietnam.
Michael Hunsacker: Tom Atkins (who was the sheriff in the mostly lackluster My Bloody Valentine 3-D) is an old military buddy of Murtaugh’s. It’s also his daughter who fell out of the window at the beginning of the movie. He knows a bit more than he lets on.
General Peter McAllister: Mitchell Ryan is our Villain. The commander of a special forces unit called “Shadow Company” he decided to take his team rogue and go into cocaine smuggling business.
Mr. Joshua: Gary Busey is McAllister’s right hand henchman, and described as an albino (though not really). He’s, uh, got a pretty high pain tolerance. That’s about it as far as character development.
Visuals/Effects
Richard Donner and cinematographer Stephen Goldblatt deliver an impressive looking action movie. Yes, its very much an 80s cop movie, but its got quite a few memorable sequences, particularly the early scenes of Riggs behaving insane in the tour of duty (like taking out a sniper with a handgun and taking the quick way down with a ledge jumper).
Writing
Shane Black on script duty, and things work great. It's got great character development for the leads. The villains are kind of…there but they are suitably hateable. There’s a lot of wit involved and you really get to like the characters.
Sound
Original music by Michael Kamen and Eric Clapton, so it's quite good. There’s also quite a few Christmas songs like “Jingle Bell Rock.”
Conclusion Lethal Weapon is a legitimately good time. Nothing particularly earthshaking, but it’s an effective character-driven buddy cop action movie. On par with Die Hard.
I’ve noticed that Bruce Willis has been popping up a lot here at RMWC over the course of the past year. That’s not a bad thing, of course, since he’s been in quite a few successful films over the years.
1991’s Hudson Hawk is not one of them. Let’s explore!
Plot
So our hero gets out of jail after ten years with every intention of going straight and leaving cat burglary behind. And he wants a cappuccino. Unfortunately, it seems like everybody in the world wants to blackmail him into stealing several of Leonardo Da Vinci’s artifacts. What follows, in no particular order, are crooked CIA agents, the Mob, some insane corporate types, the Vatican and a device that can turn lead to gold, which on paper sounds much less insane than it actually is.
Characters Eddie “Hudson Hawk” Hawkins: Bruce Willis is our Hero, a guy down on his luck who just can’t seem to get away from his old life. He’s likable enough, though this movie is definitely more in line with his earlier comedy roles than his later badass roles.
Tommy “Five-Tone” Messina: Danny Aiello plays Eddie’s buddy, contact on the outside and partner in crime. He and Eddie synch up a heist not by setting watches, but by singing show tunes. I’m not 100% sure about this, but I’m leaning more toward “amusing” than “stupid.”
Sister Anna Baragli: Andie MacDowell plays a nun working for a secret branch of the Vatican that sort of falls for Eddie, even though he’s trying to steal some of the Church’s treasures (and you know, the whole vow of celibacy thing). Things get a little weird between them.
George Kaplan: James Coburn is the CIA chief who blackmails Hawk into stealing art pieces for a device that can alchemically transmute lead to gold. That’s a sentence I never expected to write. Coburn leers like a champ in this though, so that’s good.
Snickers, Butterfinger, Almond Joy & Kit Kat: Don Harvey, Andrew Bryniarski, Lorraine Toussaint & David Caruso (yes, THAT David Caruso) are Kaplan’s candy bar code named agents. They don’t really have much in the way of personality aside from a few lines. Well, except for Caruso’s Kit Kat, who actually gets the most amusing schtick by having all of his “dialogue” written on little cards he hands to people. A fact I’m sure leaves you a little….speechless.
Darwin & Minerva Mayflower: Richard E. Grant & Sandra Bernhard are the craziest things in the movie, which is saying a lot. They are straight up card carrying villains that want to take over the world by saturating the gold market. Or something like that.
Alfred the Butler: Donald Burton is the Mayflowers’ butler who also happens to be really, really good at killing people with a blade concealed in his sleeves. He’s the badass of the film.
Cesar & Antony Mario: Frank Stallone (yeah, THAT one) & Carmine Zozorra are two brothers who run a local crime family and are the first ones to blackmail Eddie into doing their dirty work.
Visuals/Effects
Michael Lehmann competently directed the film and there is no shortage of memorable scenes/visual gags. A highway chase with Willis rolling along on a stretcher, the heist synched up with “Swingin’ On A Star,” and the insane and improbably storming of “Da Vinci’s Castle” at the end of the movie. It moves quickly, but if anything, there’s TOO much stuff going on in the movie and that ends up dragging it out.
Writing
Bruce Willis & Robert Kraft on story and Steven E. deSouza & Daniel Waters on screenplay. The movie bombed because it’s a nonsensical farce that was marketed as a normal action film. Yes there’s action, but the majority of the movie is quirky dialogue and Eddie trying to outwit a bunch of psychopathic characters that would really like to see him dead. Not all of the jokes hit. Okay, a lot of jokes miss the mark, but there’s something kind of charming about the madcap cartoonishness of the plot & characters.
Sound
Original music by Michael Kamen (which is always good) and Robert Kraft. There’s Bing Crosby’s “Swinging On A Star” in a memorable sequence and a couple other songs thrown in for good measure.
Conclusion
It’s a weird, weird, weird, weird movie. I mean, a WEIRD movie. While I wouldn’t go out on a limb calling it a great movie or anything, I was consistently entertained by it and waiting to see what new insanity the film would throw at me. In some ways, the experience reminds me of Road House or TheLast Dragon.
Who’s up for a little whimsy? I know I sure could go for some right about now. I’d say a 1985 Fantasy/Romance/ADVENTURE! directed by Richard Donner is just the ticket. Let’s get some Ladyhawke up in this mofo!
Plot
So, its Medieval Europe, in a region called Aquila (which is in Italy) a petty thief escapes the gallows (and prison) and runs afoul of a mysterious, black-clad knight who is on a grim quest to undo a curse and kill the wicked bishop of Aquila, who’s cursed the knight and his lady fair to be “always together, eternally apart.” By day, she’s a hawk, by night, he’s a wolf. Needless to say, it’s an awkward relationship. ADVENTURE! ensues.
Characters Phillipe Gaston, “The Mouse:” Matthew Broderick is our main character, a weasely (well, mousey) little thief who’s somehow managed to piss off the evil Bishop so much that he’s slated for execution. Escaping through the sewers, he finds himself hunted by the Bishop’s men, but gets rescued by Etienne and becomes his reluctant sidekick and quite important to getting the curse undone. He also makes it a habit of talking to God about his problems when no other characters are looking.
Etienne Navarre: Rutger Hauer is stone cold badass in this film. Seriously. He’s a French(ish) knight who was the former captain of the Aquila guard who fell in love with a noblewoman, which pissed off the Bishop and now he’s cursed. Turns into a wolf at night, and it’s a testament to Hauer’s intensity that he’s more badass in human form. He will kill his way through an country full of goons for love if he has to.
Isabeau d’Anjou: Michelle Pheiffer is beautiful as the love of Etienne’s life. She’s the more vulnerable of the two, but ends up using Phillipe as a way of getting messages to and from Etienne. A big chunk of the movie is spent during the day, so Isabeu is a hawk for most of the movie.
Father Imperius the Monk: Leo McKern (TV’s Horace Rumpole of the Bailey) plays the recluse who was once Isabeu’s confessor at court, until he accidentally let the Bishop know of her romance with Etienne. Shamed by this, he comes through in a moment of crisis and figures out a possible way to undo the curse.
The Bishop of Aquila: John Wood is a big jerk in this. First, he’s a tyrant who rules with an iron fist. Second, he’s pretty much tossed his vows out the window to obsessively pursue a woman who hates him. Third, he’s apparently resorted to sorcery and/or the Devil to put a curse on the two lovers. Like I said, a big ol’ jerk.
Marquet: Ken Hutchinson plays the Bishop’s guard captain. He’s reasonably competent-ish but Etienne was the captain before him, and boy does that leave a chip on Marquet’s shoulder.
Cezar: Alfred Molina (yep, that one) in a small role as an assassin/hunter who’s hired to hunt down the big black wolf form of Etienne.
Visuals/Effects
Richard Donner in the director’s chair and some truly excellent cinematography by Vittorio Storaro means that we get lots and lots of ADVENTURE! Some of the early action scenes are a bit clunky (and for some reason Etienne has a “double-barreled” crossbow), but by and large the action is entertaining, the effects have largely aged well and the whole thing is put together well. The movie does go a little bit long, but by that point you’re already invested in the characters and are committed to the end.
Writing
Edward Khmara, Michael Thomas, Tom Mankiewicz & David Webb Peoples, which is a lot of people on one script, but by and large things go well. The occasional anachronistic phrases pop up and at times Phillipe gets a tad annoying with his monologues, but overall, the story goes for a largely optimistic High Fantasy/Legendary feel but in the context of Medieval History. Which is a nice change of pace from the extra grimy, gloomy and cynical feel that pervades most medieval movies from the last twenty years.
Sound
Original music by Andrew Powell, and, well, it’s the weak link of the movie. There’s a lot of synthesizer stuff that overshadows the orchestral touches, and its not very good. Jarringly not good.
Conclusion Ladyhawke is actually a lot of fun and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it. Sure its more about the power of love than it is about throwing swords into people’s chests, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing for an ol’ softie like me. Recommended.
Next time, we get a hawk of a different, uh, plumage.
*Some shopkeeping notes: The schedule isn't quite ready to be back to Mon, Wed, Fri. But fear not, I'm going to try a Tues, Thurs updating schedule to slowly increase content. So, uh, yippy-skippy and all that.*
I have to admit I’ve never watched the 1985 Chevy Chase comedy Fletch before. Not sure how it happened, but there you go. The good news is that I’ve watched it now.
Plot
So, our Hero, Fletch, is an investigative journalist in LA who uses disguises to achieve deep cover to find stories that he publishes under the alias “Jane Doe.” While he’s pretending to be a homeless drug addict to investigate a smuggling operation, he gets approached by a millionaire with an interesting proposition. The millionaire, dying of cancer, wants Fletch to murder him in a week’s time so that his wife can collect on the life insurance. Then things get weird with Fletch donning various disguises to try and figure out what’s going on in a solid parody of hard-boiled detective stories. Hilarity ensues.
Characters Irwin “Fletch” Fletcher: Chevy Chase is our deadpan hero. He’s got a fantastically successful column, but doesn’t really enjoy the glory since its written under a pseudonym, he’s constantly being hounded by his ex wife’s lawyer for money, so yeah, he’s a pretty flawed character. Guy’s also obsessed to Jack Nicholson levels with the LA Lakers. The comedy involves Chase doing what he does best, straightfaced delivery of off-center dialogue and general bullshitting. Fairly badass.
Alan Stanwyk: Tim Matheson is the rich guy who wants Fletch to murder him. Now, since Fletch isn’t actually a homeless drug addict, the reporter starts snooping around and finds that Stanwyck’s NOT actually terminally ill.
Gail Stanwyk: Dana Wheeler-Nicholson is Stanwyck’s wife and someone that Fletch becomes VERY interested in investigating closely. Preferably between the sheets.
Chief Jerry Karlin: Joe Don Baker plays a corrupt cop who’s got a station of ne’er-do-well police working for him.
There’s also George Wendt (Norm from Cheers), Kenneth Mars (from several Mel Brooks films) and Geena Davis in smaller roles, among other people.
Visuals/Effects
Directed by Michael Ritchie, the movie looks fine but isn’t amazing or anything. Mostly, the visuals serve to get Chevy Chase from one scene to another where he can be all funny and stuff. The makeup effects that were used on him for his various disguises range from nothing special to pretty damn good, depending on the character he’s playing.
Writing
Based on a novel by Gregory McDonald and adapted for the screen by Andrew Bergman (who worked on Blazing Saddles and, uh, Striptease) the plot could very easily work in the hard boiled detective or film noir genres. In fact, part of the comedy is that the plot and most of the characters are treating the movie that way while Fletch spends the entire time snarking his way through and completely wrecking that illusion of seriousness.
Sound
Original score by Harold (the guy who wrote “Axel F” for Beverly Hills Cop) Faltermeyer. He wrote the theme song for the movie, “Bit By Bit” and there are some other very 80s songs throughout the movie.
Conclusion
You know, I was pleasantly surprised with Fletch. It wasn’t as “knee-slappin’ hee-haw’in” funny as I thought it would be, but its incredibly clever and much better plotted than I expected. It’s a solid comedy.
And no, I don’t think there’s a need to track down the 1989 sequel Fletch Lives.
Well this is going to be weird. Its definitely high time for another King Arthur movie. Yay! Except this time around its one from the 2000s that purports to demystify the myths from the facts. Boo! Well, regardless, since I’ve got a mania where I end up buying Arthurian films regardless of their overall quality, we might as well sit down with 2004’s King Arthur, the Director’s Cut!
Plot
We start off with blah blah blah Roman Britain, blah blah blah, Sarmatian cavalry stationed in Britain even though Rome itself is really half-assing its support of the floundering colony. Turns out the Romans there are having trouble with the Saxons as well as the Woads…waitaminute. The Romano-British are having trouble with a flowering plant most famous for the indigo dyes it can be used to make? True story of King Arthur my ass. If you want to have local tribes that don’t bow to the Romans, you can call them Celts, or more accurately Picts. Well, anyway its 467 AD and Rome needs to consolidate its…Wait. Rome withdrew from Britain around 410 AD. You know what, fuck you movie for insulting my intelligence. Okay, so its neither a fantastical take on the legend or a historical take. Good to know. Excuse me while I turn my medievalist’s brain off.
So the soldiers get sent on one last mission before being given their release papers. They have to go up into *shudder* “Woad” territory to evacuate a Roman Villa because-- Wait. That makes no fucking sense. WHY WOULD YOU BUILD A ROMAN VILLA OUTSIDE OF ROMAN TERRITORY???
Anyway, we get some blah blah blah about how Arthur is a Romano-Britain (which is actually rather likely) who’s commander of a group of Sarmatian cavalrymen (look, the term “Knight” didn’t come about until later if we’re playing the historicity card) who are generally grumpy since their term of service is ending and most want to go home. And then there’s fighting. Yay, swords! And Keira Knightly in little more than leather straps. Yay T&A!
Characters Arthur/Artorius: Clive Owen is a Roman Britain who was a big fan of Pelagius, a fairly obscure 5th century ascetic and heretic who died around 440 (not necessarily under shadowy circumstances), a full ten years before Arthur was to have met him. Anyway…., Owen’s Arthur is actually pretty cool, stupid plot notwithstanding. He’s an idealist, and merciful in his command who has the absolute loyalty of his men (no matter how much the movie makes them bitch about it). He believes in Rome the ideal, but he’s also got the stones to back up his vision but he‘s also conflicted. And you know, Owen makes a pretty damn good Arthur, so there you go: badass of the film.
Lancelot: Ioan Gruffudd is Arthur’s number 2, a Sarmatian who’s extremely grumpy. I mean, that’s his dominant character trait. He’s grumpy about everything. Oh, and he’s vaguely pagan, which I suppose would be acceptable since he’s supposed to be from a tribe of steppe horsemen. Oh, and he fights with two swords, because that’s a practical fighting style for a horseman.
Tristram: Mads Mikkelsen is the most “barbarian” looking of the horsemen. He’s actually really good in the role, just underutilized a lot and with not a whole lot of characterization. He’s a falconer, is apparently the scout of the squad, seems to sort of, kind of have a death wish and fights with a curved blade which gives him a cool looking two handed “katana-esque” fighting style but isn’t all that practical for a horseman. Also, there is no Isolde, so that’s automatic points off.
Gawain: Joel Edgerton (who was the young Uncle Owen in the Star Wars prequels though I can’t blame you for forgetting). Gawain’s all right. He’s got long hair, seems pretty laid back about most everything and is a trooper who’s got Arthur’s back. He’s not Arthur’s cousin, which sucks, but its clear the writer had a cursory knowledge of Gawain and the Green Knight because he’s got green-ish armor and uses a handaxe, which…is actually a very practical weapon for a horseman.
Galahad: Hugh Dancy is probably the least defined member of the team. He’s the young one who doesn’t like fighting. And that’s about it. And he’s sort of an archer. Definitely not the “Warrior of Justice and Purity” that Galahad is synonymous with.
Bors: Ray Winstone is actually pretty damn awesome here as one of the team’s “big guys.” He’s an old soldier and pretty much planning on settling down with his woman and 11 or so illegitimate children. Big, boisterous and jolly, he also happens to fight with two funky daggers because THAT’S a practical weapon for a horseman.
Dagonet: Ray Stevenson is the other big guy on the team. Doesn’t talk much, always has Arthur’s back and is treated like Bors’ little brother. He’s also the first one to die in the film, but he does get a pretty badass death scene. He uses a very big axe because that’s a practical for a-- You know what, never mind.
Guinevere: Keira Knightley is a Pictish woman rescued by Arthur during the “last mission.” She’s okay, I guess, despite being yet another preachy action girl shoehorned into a historical movie. I guess I’d complain more, but she just looks so damn good doing it.
Merlin: Stephen Dillane is the creepy Celtic mystic who more or less rules the “Woads.” Arthur hates him because years ago his mother was killed in a raid led by Merlin. Merlin’s is not actually a wizard in this movie, so all the crazy looks he gives here are, well, just crazy looks that make him simply a creepy dude in the woods.
Cerdic: Stellan Skarsgård is our Saxon villain. A very, very, very obvious villain. Murderous, psychotic and racist against the Britons (which is hilarious, since the Saxons settled permanently in Britain and forever changed both the language and demography), he’d be on the level of moustache-twirling cartoon if it weren’t for just how laid back he is about it. He’s a barbarian warlord who’s possessed by ennui, which is both hilarious and awesome, and Skarsgård seems to be having a lot of fun with it.
Cynric: Til Schweiger is Cerdic’s son and second in command. He’s there to get yelled at a lot by dad and glower.
Bishop Germannus: Ivano Marescotti is the Roman bishop sent to the island to serve Arthur & his men their discharge papers (which…why would the Empire send a bishop to do such a menial task??). He’s just kind of a jerk.
Visuals/Effects
Antoine Fuqua (who directed Training Day, which I’ve heard good things about) brings some interesting things to the table. The movie is certainly well shot and the battle scenes are legitimately interesting to watch. It definitely looks good. Pacing is a definite issue though, and I don’t just mean that as a comment on the director’s cut (never seen the theatrical version and from what I’ve read, that’s for the best).
Writing
David Franzoni (who worked on the entertaining but historical clusterfuck Gladiator) is the sole scripter here and… there’s a lot wrong with it. I mean, why do these “Sarmatian knights” have names like Lancelot (French in origin) or Gawain (which is British)? Why do the Saxons have crossbows? Trebuchets? “WOADS?” Why is the Pope considered the highest authority in the Western Roman Empire? The Senate and the Emperor (however useless he may have been) were still the authorities. The Pope was still only considered Bishop of Rome. And speaking of Rome, it was sacked in 410 by the Goths and the capital of the Western Empire (and the Emperor) moved to the more defensible Ravenna. I mean, is it really all that hard to check this stuff in Wikipedia? Or a book? I mean…FUCK! So much of this story doesn’t make any goddamn sense. And if it sounds like I’m being overly critical of the script when I might let other movies slide, well, I am. You can’t have the marketing campaign be all like “based on the TRUE story of King Arthur” and have so many goddamn glaring GLARBHHHGUYAJGHKJHASFKJHKLJHASFDLK:LIUO*&
About the only really interesting thing done with the characters is that the Lancelot/Arthur/Guinevere love triangle is downplayed.
Sound
Hans Zimmer’s music is a totally serviceable score for the film that rises to very solid percussive beats during the action scenes. Its solid, but not something that really can stand alongside the true greats of film music.
Conclusion
Right, so I’ve really ragged on King Arthur here quite a bit. Do I hate it? Surprisingly no. Franzoni’s script is pretty damn bad, but the movie looks good, the battles entertain and the cast largely manages to elevate the mediocre material they’re dealing with. I mean, its way more entertaining than First Knight. I just kind of wish every single period film like this of the last ten years didn’t try to ape Braveheart so much.
And by no means is this the worst Arthurian movie I’ve seen…
This one’s just a shameless excuse to look at one of the formative movies of my youth. 1989’s UHF is not a complicated movie. It’s a vehicle for novelty/parody songster “Weird Al” Yankovic, and its really not a surprise that it tanked at the box office and became a cult classic on video.
Plot
Well, our hero is a well-meaning nice guy who’s a constant daydreamer. This gets him fired from most jobs that require an attention span. However, when his uncle wins a terrible local TV station in a game of poker, our guy ends up being given control of the station and after a few teething problems, local channel U-62 gets some wildly popular shows and draws the irate attention of the big, bad network affiliate station. Yeah, its not deep at all, but hilarity still ensues.
Characters George Newman: “Weird Al” Yankovic plays pretty much himself (or at least his public persona) of a likable goofball with an insane imagination and a penchant for amusingly lyric-ed parody songs.
Teri: Victoria Jackson (who was on SNL for a while) plays George’s long suffering girlfriend. That’s…about all I can think of to say about the character. Uhhh, she works in a dentist’s office?
Bob: David Bowe (not David Bowie) is George’s best friend and the resident voice of reason.
R.J. Fletcher: Kevin McCarthy chews through scenery like that Asian guy in those hot dog eating contests they show on ESPN every year. He’s our villain, the guy who runs Channel 8, the local network affiliate, with an iron fist. Hilariously dictatorial, the guy’s just an asshole.
Stanley Spadowski: Michael Richards (yep, TV’s Kramer) is the dim-witted janitor of U-62 who gets a TV show when George goes through a brief mental breakdown. The show turns out to be the highest rated show in town and signals the reversal of U-62’s fortunes.
Pamela Finkelstein: Fran Drescher (yep, that one) is the station’s secretary who gets promoted to reporter for U-62.
Philo: Anthony Geary is the station’s engineer and resident mad scientist. He also gets a show, appropriately about science.
Noodles MacIntosh: Legendary little person actor Billy Barty is one of the cameramen for U-62.
Uncle Harvey & Aunt Esther: Stanley Brock & Sue Ane Langdon are George’s relatives who give him control of the station. Harvey’s a sleaze who ends up owing money to a dangerous “Big Louie” which prompts a telethon to save the station.
Kuni: Gedde Watanabe is George’s neighbor who runs a martial arts dojo. He ALSO gets a show, and it is hilarious.
Raul Hernandez: Trinidad Silva (who sadly died in a car accident before all of his scenes were filmed) is the film’s badass. Not just because of the tragic nature of his death, but also because the two segments that he’s in are easily the funniest for their sheer insanity. "Raul’s Wild Kingdom" is one of the greatest gags this movie has to offer.
Visuals/Effects
Directed by Jay Levey, the film is competently shot and there’s a lot of visual comedy thrown around. There’s the occasional cartoonish elements and a lot of dream sequences that parody other films (Indiana Jones, Rambo, etc). Sure its not Oscar-worthy, but it gets the job done clearly and efficiently, and that’s not a bad thing.
Writing
Written by Al Yankovic and Jay Levey, the movie is just plain goofy. Dialogue is amusing, the characters, while not necessarily complex, work well together, and the real strength of the film are the dream sequences and snippets of U-62’s off kilter programming. You get stuff like “Wheel of Fish,” “Celebrity Mud Wrestling” and “Conan the Librarian.”
Sound
Original music by John Du Prez, which is fine, but the real musical stuff that stands out is what you get from “Weird Al” and his band. Most notably the parody of Dire Straits’ “Money For Nothing,” “Beverly Hillbillies” which is also, oddly enough, one of the least comically goofy segments of the entire movie.
Conclusion
Look. I know UHF is a goofy, goofy movie. I still love the pluperfect hell out of it unapologetically. Totally recommended for a good, honest laugh.
I’m going to try out the occasional dose of awfulness, schlock and bad cinematic decisions. I’d like to keep these things shorter than usual though, so without further hullabaloo, here’s 1958’s The Trollenberg Terror AKA The Crawling Eye.
Plot
Some scientist guy is traveling to a resort town in Switzerland at the foot of the Trollenberg mountain. He meets two women on the train ride there, including one who is apparently psychic and senses something very wrong about the place. Turns out climbers have been dying and their bodies being found without heads. Guess what? A radioactive cloud of unknown origin is the cause of this. Somehow. I’m not sure. Aliens or something. Eventually, there are giant eye-like monsters crawling around that get killed with fire.
Characters Alan Brooks: Forrest Tucker (AKA that guy from F Troop) plays some scientist guy with vague ties to the government and United Nations. He’s on vacation, yet somehow ends up at this location that features a strange stationary cloud clinging to a mountain that is suspiciously similar to one he encountered in South America some years before. Hmmmm… He’s technically our hero, but doesn’t really do a whole lot.
Sarah Pilgrim: Jennifer Jayne plays the elder Pilgrim sister, who happens to be the not psychic one. She’s supportive of her sis, rather hot and that’s about it, really.
Anne Pilgrim: Janet Munro (who was also in Darby O’Gill And The Little People) plays the hot psychic girl. She’s actually rather interesting here as the only one who gets a vibe that SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING ON. Sure, she tends to fall into a swoon after her visions, but let’s face it, for having psychic powers that the filmmakers don’t even TRY to explain, she’s the cute little badass of the film.
Philip Truscott: Laurence Payne is a reporter at the resort when all this stuff happens. By the end, he and Anne become an item because… Well, I guess because that’s just how these things go.
Professor Crevet: Warren Mitchell is the heavily accented scientist working at an observatory on the mountain. He’s very much aware of the cloud and…that’s about it.
Brett: Andrew Faulds is a mountaineer and guide who falls victim to the cloud. After murdering a geologist and some guys sent up to look for him, he comes back to the resort, visibly messed up, then tries to kill Anne when he sees her, then falls over, doesn’t bleed when cut, tries again to kill her later and is shot. When the others examine the body, it dissolves, leaving a skeleton. I’m not making this up.
Visuals/Effects
Directed by Quentin Lawrence (who apparently held a degree in physics) the movie is fairly standard fare in most scenes, with a couple good moments here and there. The beginning, with one climber killed (off camera) and his two buddies powerless to help him is actually rather good at setting the mood. Sadly the movie really drags after a while, but then we get CRAWLING EYES!! Which are laughably horrible. Their bodies are giant orbs but the actual “eye” itself is about the size of a baseball. No real idea why they have tentacles but whatever. The special effects guys get a B for effort but an F for failure. One thing though, the climax is definitely memorable.
Writing
Story by Peter Key and script by Jimmy Sangster. The writing really falls into the standard B movie pitfall of not a whole lot of stuff making sense. Why is Anne psychic? What do the creatures want? I mean, sure, there are some decent ideas in there, but the writing is just clunky schlock.
Sound
The score by Stanley Black is fine. Nothing really amazing or anything, but its not BAD or anything.
Conclusion
Whether you call it The Trollenberg Terror or The Crawling Eye, this is not a good movie. While there are decent elements, the actors aren’t trying to hard with the pretty lame material they’ve been given and the effects by the end are pretty damn awful. Still, you can’t look at those stupid eyeball monsters with hate in your heart…
I really wish I could be clever with this intro, but 2005’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, a black comedy/homage to film noir plots and tropes starring Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer and written & directed by a guy who co-created Lethal Weapon. I mean, I’m sold.
Plot
Well, a petty thief in New York stumbles into an acting audition while trying to avoid the police and ends up doing well enough to get taken out to Hollywood, where his new agent hooks him up with a real life detective to show him the ropes of the business. Then the two stumble into several murders and our hero tries to figure out what’s going on while also reconnecting with an old flame from high school. Did I mention this takes place around Christmas? And that doesn’t even begin to cover what happens in this movie.
Characters Harry Lockhart: Robert Downey Jr. is awesome in this movie. He’s the narrator, but an incredibly self-aware one who knows he’s not very good at it. He’s also kind of a big screwup in general here and just keeps getting the crap kicked out of him throughout the movie.
Gay Perry: Val Kilmer is the badass of the film, no question. Perry’s an actual private investigator who’s life is quite boring under normal circumstances. Until Harry drags him along into a messed up world of twists and turns. Perry doesn’t really like Harry. At all, and the banter between them is outstandingly amusing. Also, Perry’s gay, which isn’t a surprise.
Harmony Faith Lane: Michelle Monaghan is an old friend from Harry’s home town who left to become an actress (and get away from her terrible father). Harmony’s an interesting character. Deeply flawed, but incredibly likable. And I’m not complaining about the outfits she wears. No sir.
Harlan Dexter: Corbin Bernsen plays a washed up actor who went on to become an entrepreneur. Its his house where the beginning party scene takes place and where Harry meets all the major characters.
Visuals/Effects
Shane Black, in his directorial debut, and Michael Barrett was director of photography, and I’ve got to say, the movie looks good. Slickly presented and incredibly well lit. Its not at all noir in a visual sense, but the film does have a moody style to it when its time to shift gears into some pretty serious scenes. Best scene is probably the one where Harry shoots a guy for the first time. Its played completely straight and the build up to it is just so incredibly well done from both a character development and audience empathy standpoint.
Writing
Shane Black on script duty, and sort-of, kind-of based on a novel by Brett Halliday called “Bodies Are Where You Find Them.” The film oozes wit and charm from every pore, and the nature of being a hard-boiled detective parody means you have to pay attention to what’s going on in order to understand the movie by the end. Insanely quotable and both irreverent and loving of the standard film noir tropes, Black’s script just breezes by effortlessly. The movie also breaks its sections into chapters named after Raymond Chandler books. Not bad for the American commando who got killed first in Predator.
Sound
Original music by John Ottman and a bunch of mostly-Christmas themed songs. There’s an overall jazzy feel to the soundtrack with the occasional other sounds, and the movie sounds great.
Conclusion
This movie blew out the back of my skull from the sheer force of awesomeness. Seriously. If I do another “biggest surprises” at the end of 2010, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a definite contender for the top three, easily. Find this movie and watch it.
Not that good of a trailer, actually, but you get the basic idea.
Been a while since we had a fantasy flick in the rotation. 1982’s The Dark Crystal is a good enough way to return to the genre. A high concept Jim Henson film that’s light on humor, big on adventure and featuring a cast of puppets and no human characters, it’s a big tonal shift from the Maven of Muppets.
Plot
Ok, so on an ancient and distant world called Thra (which is very much not Earth because it has 3 suns and no humans), there was a race of beings called urSkeks, who ruled benevolently for centuries until, 1000 years ago, during the Great Conjunction of the suns, they cracked the Crystal of Truth (which gave them their power) and a shard of it went missing. Turns out this was a very bad thing, because the urSkeks split into two new races, the tyrannical, lizard/bird-like Skeksis and the gentle, peaceful and pretty much useless Mystics. The Skeksis hearing a prophecy that they will be undone by a Gelfling (basically elves), decide to genocide their asses to prevent it. (you know, a kids movie).
Unfortunately for the Skeksis, one Gelfling lad is still alive, and raised by the Mystics so that the prophecy can be fulfilled. ADVENTURE! ensues.
Characters Jen: Performed by Jim Henson and voiced by Stephen Garlick, Jen is our Hero. An orphan raised by the Mystics for whom a great destiny awaits, he’s pretty much your standard fantasy hero. This isn’t exactly terrible, since Jen isn’t smash-your-own-face-in annoying, but he’s also just kind of there. Not bad, but not awesome, I guess is the gist of him. He’s got the missing shard of the Crystal and its up to him to keep it safe.
Kira: Performed by Kathryn Mullen and voiced by Lisa Maxwell, Kira is another Gelfling that Jen stumbles upon along the way. Yes, turns out the Skeksis weren’t actually that efficient in their campaign of genocide. Kira’s a little more experienced in the ways of the world and becomes a useful ally for Jen, and a little more… (well, they are the last two survivors of their people, so its pretty obvious)
Fizzgig: Performed by Dave Goelz and voiced by Percy Edwards, this little fuzz ball is Kira’s pet. He’s okay in my book.
Aughra: Performed by Frank Oz and voiced by Billie Whitelaw, Aughra is a crazy old soothsayer, wise woman and general “keeper of secrets.” Jen is told to seek her out to find out how to save the world, and while he finds her and learns just how much is at stake, he also doesn’t learn as much as he’d like, since the Skeksis’s goons crash the place.
The Chamberlain: Performed by Frank Oz and voiced by Barry Dennen, this guy is the Skeksis the movie follows, and he’s pretty awesome. Not because he’s badass, but because of the opposite. He is a sniveling, weasely douche who makes a claim for the throne when the Emperor Skeksis dies, loses, gets stripped of his rank and exiled, and happens to run into Jen & Kira. You bet its awesome, because he’s just so damn creepy. And he’s got a verbal tic that has him going “hhmmm?” all the damn time, which is both annoying and awesome at the same time. Its not even something you can put in onomatopoeia.
The General: Performed by Dave Goelz and voiced by Michael Kilgarriff, the General is pretty damn badass. After the death of the Emperor, he’s the one who wins the ordeal of Trial By Stone to become the new ruler. He’s also got an army of Garthim at his command, which…well, they’re basically umber hulks. Dude’s hardcore.
Visuals/Effects
Directed by Jim Henson, Frank Oz and (uncredited) Gary Kurtz, the movie is masterfully shot. Not only is it ambitious, but they really work around the limitations of puppets to really make it seem plausible. And the effects have aged very, very, very well. The pacing does slow down a bit in the middle after Jen meets Kira, but its nothing serious.
The overall look of the film was a collaboration between Jim Henson and Brian Froud (who also worked with Henson on Labyrinth) and the world these two built is simply stunning on a conceptual level.
Writing
Story by Jim Henson and screenplay by David Odell, the plot is…well, its nothing complicated and trundles along predictable lines. There’s not a whole lot to Jen & Kira’s characters and the Mystics are, to be honest, really boring. Although this movie also gives us the Skeksis, which are constantly entertaining when they’re on screen because of their decadent villainy. The plot does stray into some pretty dark corners here and there too, which is both pretty cool and creepy at times. This is a good thing, since family movies should never condescend toward the audience.
Sound
The score by Trevor Jones is big, sweeping, majestic and a little eerie. The main theme is incredibly memorable and the whole sound fit’s the movie perfectly. The sound effects are outstanding as well, which is no surprise because it was headed up by Ben Burtt, who’s so good at his job that he can get nominated for sound awards in his sleep.
Conclusion
So yeah, The Dark Crystal is one hell of a film. Its strange, sure, and lacking the lighter tone of the later Labyrinth, the movie tracks its own path to display Henson’s extremely ambitious vision. It gets weird, yes, but it embraces that aspect and avoids ever getting too cheesy, even if it does tread familiar story trails. All of these are good things, especially since a sequel has been rumored for years at this point.
Well, this is it, 1947’s Song of the Thin Man is the last one of the series. After the disappointment of the last film, its probably a good thing that this is the last one.
Plot
All right, so a sleazy jazz band leader who owes the mob a lot of money and doesn’t have any friends at a charity benefit on a luxury boat/casino and gets murdered in the night while trying to steal from the till. Nick & Nora, who were guests at the party where this guy was murdered, eventually get wrapped up in figuring out what’s going on and get swept up in a late night world of jazz music and murder.
Characters Nick Charles: William Powell looks pretty old in this one (time will do that), but he’s still as charming as ever. Not forced to be a teetotaler this time, there’s a running gag of him always getting thwarted from taking a drink. Not bad, but not quite the same. Still badass though.
Nora Charles: Myrna Loy is still awesome and lovely, and she gets quite a bit to do, even facing peril on her own in one of the movie’s darker scenes. Still badass.
Nick Charles Jr.: Dean Stock well (who should be familiar to you, considering he played Al on Quantum Leap when he grew up, among a lot of other things). He’s not a major figure in the film, and even comments to his parents that they don’t do anything with him anymore.
Tommy Drake: Phillip Reed is the jerk of a bandleader who gets offed at the beginning of the movie. He’s just an all around sleaze who’s got plenty of enemies with suitable motives for wanting him dead. Even his bandmates don’t like him.
Buddy Hollis: Don Taylor is the star clarinet player in Drake’s band and the ex-boyfriend of the lead singer (who left him for Drake). Buddy’s also got himself a problem with a vaguely explained substance that has him disappearing for days at a time. After the murder, he disappears from the scene.
Fran Ledue Page: Gloria Grahame is the girl that got between Buddy & Tommy. She definitely regrets leaving Buddy, but does she regret it enough to KILL??
Clarence “Klinker” Krause: Keenan Wynn (son of vaudeville legend & comedian Ed Wynn) is another clarinetist in the band who ends up helping Nick & Nora look for Buddy. Pretty resourceful as far as sidekicks go.
Phil Brant: Bruce Cowling is the guy who pretty much organized the event on the boat, and Drake owed him money too. When Drake is killed, he’s the prime suspect.
Janet Thayar Brant: Jayne Meadows (the wife & widow of comedian and original host of “The Tonight Show” Steve Allen) is a headstrong young woman who elopes with Phil against her father’s wishes. Naturally, her motives are in question.
David Thayer: Ralph Morgan is Janet’s father and a collector of antique pistols, one of which was used to shoot Drake. Hmmmm.
Mitchell Talbin: Leon Ames is a promoter that Drake was going to sign on with and do a tour for. Drake needed money from him badly.
Al Amboy: William Bishop plays a shady racketeer that Drake owes money to. He tries to strongarm Nick & Nora for information.
Visuals/Effects
Edward Buzzell (who directed one of the Marx Brothers' later films, At The Circus) and director of photography Charles Rosher give the film a moody, rather noir-ish look. There’s even some touches of German Expressionism in the architecture in some scenes. Its an interesting shift, and understandable since noir proper was in full swing by 1947.
Writing
So, we’ve got story by Stanley Roberts, screenplay by Steve Fisher & Nat Perrin and “additional dialogue” by James O’Hanlon & Harry Crane (it’s a safe bet that they handled the jazz lingo) and things get interesting. Nick & Nora still sparkle and Klinker’s actually not a bad addition as the sidekick. What’s interesting is that things actually take a pretty dark turn.
Sound
The score by David Snell continues to be solid but not that remarkable. There’s also, understandably, a lot of jazz music blowing around the film.
Conclusion Song of the Thin Man is definitely different, taking things in a slightly darker direction, but after the anemic The Thin Man Goes Home, its actually not a bad way for the series to go out. Still, it doesn’t really match the comedic genius of the first four Thin Man films. Still, if you’re watching the last couple films, that means you’ve got the boxed set, and since you’ve come this far, you might as well watch. I mean, the series is just damn great overall, really taking Dashiell Hammett’s characters and making them shine, and that’s a major credit to the chemistry between Powell & Loy. Nick & Nora are quite possibly my favorite screen couple of all time.
1945 brought a fifth Thin Man movie, and things were different. W.S. “One-Take Woody” Van Dyke was dead and there was that whole “World War II” event. Still, its more of Nick & Nora doing what they do best and that can’t be a bad thing. Here’s The Thin Man Goes Home.
Plot
So Nick, Nora & Asta are on their way to Nick’s hometown of Sycamore Springs to visit his family. Nick Jr. is written out as being with a nanny or whatever. The plan is to have a quiet vacation at home, but the locals, all aware of Nick’s reputation, assume he’s on a case. Then somebody gets shot on the family’s doorstep and the game’s afoot. If it sounds like a comparatively weak plot in comparison to the first four, you’d be absolutely right.
Characters Nick Charles: William Powell Nick is still as lovable as ever, and its fun seeing him on edge because his father, a teetotaler, is difficult to please. And this leads to one of the least welcome changes of the movie: Nick is stone cold sober the entire time. They try to play it up by having all sorts of slapstick moments where Nick does something clumsy and people automatically assume he’s had too much to drink, but, honestly, the shift doesn’t work. Nick’s still badass though.
Nora Charles: Myrna Loy actually does a lot regarding the main plot of the film in this one. She’s trying to impress Nick’s dad with stories of his incredible detective work and when that doesn’t really work, she’s the one who shoves Nick into investigating who’s killed who and goes off on her own investigations. Nora’s still badass.
Dr. Bertram Charles: Harry Davenport is Nick’s dad, a respected small town doctor who’s trying to get a new hospital building built for the town. An upstanding citizen who’s not all that thrilled with Nick’s colorful past.
Mrs. Charles: Lucile Watson is Nick’s mother, and a kind, likable woman.
Peter Berton: Ralph Brooks is a local painter who ends up dead on the doorstep from a gunshot wound. Who killed him and why is the driving action of the plot.
Crazy Mary: Anne Revere (curiously enough a descendent of Paul Revere) is appropriately named as the town eccentric. She lives in a shack on the outskirts of town, mutters crazy things and has more to do with the central plot than first impressions would indicate.
Sam Ronson: Minor Watson plays a local factory owner who’s the big man in town. He’s also kind of a jerk who isn’t thrilled about Nick’s investigation and tries to lean on Dr. Charles, threatening to “delay” the hospital project if things continue.
Laura Ronson: Gloria DeHaven is Ronson’s daughter, a bit of a rebel who’s been involved with Peter Berton on and off before his death.
Edgar & Helena Draque: Leon Ames & Helen Vinson are a couple of art dealers/buyers from out of town that are very interested in buying one particular painting of Berton’s.
Dr. Bruce Clayworth: Lloyd Corrigan is an old friend of Nick’s and the town coroner. The two go way back and Bruce accompanies Nick on several of his investigations.
Brogan: Edward Brophy (who had a really small role in The Thin Man as a different character) is one of the many reformed crooks that Nick sent up the river. He happens to be on the same train as the Charles’s and essentially decides to tag along from a distance. There’s actually quite a few good jokes involving him, from him essentially camping in the bushes of Dr. Charles’ lawn to him being a very obvious red herring that Nora follows around town one night.
Visuals/Effects
Directed by Richard Thorpe, the film is competently shot, but taking the series out of the big city takes a lot out of the movie. Its hard to say exactly how, but things seem to bog down a lot in various places.
Writing
The screenplay by Robert Riskin & Harry Kurnitz has quite the complicated plot by the end of the movie, and it does hit the standard plot notes (setup, murder, Nick slowly gets more involved, more murders, serious detective time and then he gathers all the suspects into one room for the finale), but in a lot of ways, the film just lacks the energy of the previous outings. Its not as hilarious, and its not as, well, edgy, really.
Sound
The score by David Snell (and uncredited Lennie Hayton & Bronislau Kaper) gets the job done nicely but its nothing to write home about.
Conclusion The Thin Man Goes Home is a definite downturn in the series. Its not a failure or anything, and some stuff works really well, but compared to the first four, its an inferior result.
And next thing you know, its time for 1941’s Shadow Of The Thin Man, the last of the Van Dyke directed films. After this one, the franchise would change quite a bit for the last two films. And no, Myrna Loy does not look like that horrible, horrible monster in the poster.
Plot
So, Nick & Nora are back in San Francisco (again) and happen to arrive at a race track just as a whole bunch of cops swarm the place investigating the murder of a jockey who squawked about fixed races. Nick tries to stay out of it, despite the urgings of an eager reporter and friend and the deputy director of the racing committee. Well, Nick gets caught up in it anyway when the reporter gets arrested for the murder of another reporter, and by now you should be familiar with the drill.
Characters Nick Charles: William Powell again, who’s ability to know when its time for a cocktail borders on the supernatural at this point. Still awesome and still likable.
Nora Charles: Myrna Loy is more proactive in this one, needling Nick into taking her to a wrestling match (where the next murder happens). She and Powell are still awesome together. How awesome? They made fourteen movies together, counting the six Thin Man films.
Nick Charles, Jr.: Richard Hall is a minor presence in the movie and doesn’t get in the way of the plot. The one scene where the Charles family sits down for a meal and Nicky orders his father to drink milk instead of a cocktail is priceless.
Paul Clarke: Barry Nelson is the reporter friend who gets framed for murder. Your standard ‘30s-‘40s supporting character male.
Molly: Donna Reed (yes, THAT one) is Paul’s fiancee and the secretary for Link Stephens, the crook who runs the gambling rackets in town.
Major Jason I. Sculley: Henry O’Neill is trying to put a dent in the local crime scene and unhappy that Nick refuses to help out at first.
“Whitey” Barrow: Alan Baxter is a crooked reporter in Stephens’ pocket, whitewashing stories involving the racketeer. Whitey’s also blackmailing Link’s girl and owes some people money, so its no major surprise that he ends up dead.
“Link” Stephens: Loring Smith is a crime lord who runs most of the shady gambling businesses in town.
Fred Macy: Joseph Anthony is Link’s lieutenant, a smug little bastard who’s alibi isn’t as air tight as it seems.
Claire Porter: Stella Adler is Link’s girl who’s been fooling around with Whitey on the side. Turns out she’s hiding more than she lets on too.
“Rainbow” Benny: Lou Lubin is a small time bookie working for Link and Whitey owes him a lot of money. He’s pretty much the guy everybody’s looking for.
Lieutenant Abrams: Same Levene is back as the cop on the scene. His comic mugging for the camera makes a welcome return.
Visuals/Effects
Maj. W.S. Van Dyke II for the last time on a Thin Man movie. Solid as always, though sadly “One-Take Woody” would commit suicide in 1943 while suffering from terminal cancer. Poor guy.
Writing
This time it was Harry Kurnitz & Irving Brecher on screenplay duties and things progress along as usual. By this point, the formula of the films was really entrenched and you’d have to try hard to screw it up. I also liked the gag about how Nick’s ability to sense alcohol nearby was essentially supernatural by this point.
Sound
David Snell’s score does the job and that’s about all I can remember.
Conclusion Shadow of the Thin Man marks the end of the W.S. Van Dyke era of Thin Man films. Myrna Loy would take a break from acting to support the Red Cross during World War II and it would be a few years before the next film. Things get shaken up a little bit.
Moving right along, here’s 1939’s Another Thin Man. By this point, everybody’s forgotten that the actual “Thin Man” was Wynant in the first movie and the name just kind of stuck to the Nick Charles character.
Plot
So Nick & Nora are back in New York, this time with a baby boy, Nicky Jr. in tow. They get called up to visit a Colonel MacFay, who was the financial manager of Nora’s assets, up at his country estate. They get there to find the Colonel’s extremely paranoid about his safety after a crook claiming prophetic dreams saw him dead three times. Well wouldn’t you know, the Colonel ends up dead and the search is on to find out whodunnit. Hilarity ensues.
Characters Nick Charles: William Powell as usual, only this time, his presence at the scene of the crime ends up making him one of the suspects too. Fatherhood hasn’t slaked his thirst any.
Nora Charles: Myrna Loy, beautiful as usual. The Charles couple continues to be quite badass despite having a baby boy at this point.
Colonel Burr MacFay: C. Aubrey Smith is the Colonel, and an old acquaintance of Nora’s late father. He was taking care of the books, but it seems he’s got a shady past of his own. One where some people might want to see him killed.
Lois MacFay: Virginia Grey is the colonel’s daughter. She doesn’t react well to his death, getting sick a few times.
Dudley Horn: Patric Knowles is Lois’ fiancee and somewhat of a douche, though he would do anything to protect her.
Freddie Coleman: Tom Neal is the Colonel’s secretary and a generally soft-spoken guy who’s got a thing for Lois.
Mrs. Isabella Bellam: Phyllis Gordon is the MacFays’ housekeeper and someone who’s also hiding something.
Phil Church: Sheldon Leonard is the villain. He’s got a past with MacFay and is trying to shake the colonel down for money. A smart guy, he seems to have an alibi for everything.
“Diamond Back” Vogel: Don Costello is a shady character who’s keeping an eye on Church, though to what end remains in question.
H. Culverton “Smitty” Smith: Muriel Hutchison is Church’s girl, though she’s not quite divorced from her husband. She carries a little gun around in a leg holster.
Dum-Dum: Abner Biberman is Church’s right hand guy, and pretty handy with a knife.
“Creeps” Binder: Harry Bellaver is one of the many, many smalltime crooks that Nick sent up the river who don’t hold it against him. Creeps is the one who decides it would be a great idea to throw a birthday party for Nicky Jr. and invites a bunch of his pals to bring their kids (or somebody else’s kids) to the party. Shemp Howard being one of those individuals.
Lieutenant John Guild: Nat Pendleton returns as the lantern-jawed New York cop who’s on Nick’s side.
Assistant District Attorney Van Slack: Otto Kruger (from Dracula’s Daughter and Murder, My Sweet) is in charge of the investigation of the Colonel’s murder, and he’s very inclined to put the squeeze on Nick since its very convenient that the detective was around at just the right time.
Visuals/Effects
W.S. Van Dyke (now with II at the end of his name) returns and the film’s got all the standard “One-Take Woody” touches from the first film; a light and breezy style that shifts into “noir-mode” when detecting is done.
Writing
The husband & wife team of Albert Hackett & Frances Goodrich are back, and the banter flows as good as always. The plot itself goes into some interesting territory, what with the “prophetic dreams,” a law officer who kind of thinks Nick committed the murder, and the denouement, but to their credit none of it feels out of place or forced, which is nice.
Sound
The score by Edward Ward is appropriate and fine, just not that memorable.
Conclusion
Three movies in and the series is still going strong at the halfway point. Another Thin Man adds a lot of interesting touches, brings back some familiar faces, AND its got Shemp! If you’ve seen the first two, definitely see this one.
