“You misjudged our men. Don't misjudge our women.”

The Crimson Pirate is a 1952 swashbuckler from director Robert Siodmak and starring Burt Lancaster. Siodmak was one of many German directors who fled the Nazis in the 1930s and made a name for himself as an excellent thriller director. Lancaster had come up from a circus acrobat background and only started acting after WWII.

The plot revolves around pirate captain Vallo (Lancaster) a freewheeling corsair with a fondness for red clothing who cleverly captures a ship carrying Baron José Gruda (Leslie Bradley), a highly placed member of the King's court (The king is never named, nor is the kingdom, but most of the named characters imply Spanish descent, even if everybody speaks with English or Transatlantic accents.) Gruda cuts a deal with Vallo. The pirate will be handsomely paid if he can capture rebel leader El Libre.

Naturally, things don't go as planned and Vallo and his First Mate Ojo (Nick Cravat) get caught up in mutiny, chase sequences, a beautiful rebel woman named Consuelo (Eva Bartok) whom Vallo falls in love with, and an eccentric professor, Elihu Prudence (James Hayter). All of that adds up the ADVENTURE. Its also got a young Christopher Lee in a minor role as one of the King's officers.

There's a lot to recommend about this movie. The Mediterranean locations standing in for the Caribbean look great in Technicolor and the action moves at an incredible clip that is sadly missing from most modern action films. There aren't a lot of swordfights in the film and the stunt choreography goes for physical running, jumping, climbing, tumbling and so on. More people get hit with belaying pins (size: S, type: Bludgeoning, 1d3 damage) than swords.* For an example of the kind of gags in this, there's a pirate with a peg leg who gets stuck during a fight, gets one of the King's men to help get it free, clobbers the guy, and in his glee, he immediately gets stuck again. Its an old gag, but damn if it isn't executed well.

It helps that even pushing 40, Lancaster was in phenomenal physical shape and his best friend and fellow circus veteran Nick Cravat had an incredible sense of timing for physical comedy and was equally as fit. Cravat is great in this, and doesn't speak a single line. Apparently his Brooklyn accent was too strong to make sense in a 17^th Century Pirate Adventure, so he acts as a kind of Teller for Lancaster's commanding Penn. The two made nine films together.

Looking up the film, the original screenplay was a serious pirate movie by Waldo Salt, who was on the Hollywood blacklist for, well, being an actual member of the American Communist Party. Robert Siodmak (who was the brother of The Wolf Man screenwriter Curt Siodmak. Robert was the better director of the two.) apparently turned it into an all-ages comedy adventure. Though there's a bit more going on under the hood. Lancaster, a proud leftist, included anti-authoritarian themes and even the “Crimson Pirate” himself is a kind of nod to the Red Scare of the era.

So technically, yes, it IS liberal message fiction, but it happens to well handled because none of those little nods get in the way of the universal themes of heroism, freedom, honor and love that the movie is filled to the brim with.

Its remarkable how amenable audiences can be to your ideas when you don't ram them down their throats.

The Crimson Pirate is unabashedly light, airy fun. Its a bit sillier than, say, Errol Flynn's pirate masterpieces, and a bit more simplistic, but its a straightforward tale of love and redemption and freedom. What's not to like about that?

Absolutely recommended.

*I always wondered what the hell belaying pins were in my old AD&D Arms & Equipment Guide and why they merited inclusion among legitimate weapons. Now I'm pretty sure it was movies like this. 

“They say the devil blows in their sails.”

So yes, that was a “break” that lasted about two months longer than I planned on. I won’t bore you with the details, but the real world took top priority on everything for a while there.

Where were we?

An Errol Flynn pirate movie? Sure, that sounds fantastic. But I’ve already seen Captain Blood! Not to fear, because 1940 heralded yet another Michael Curtiz’ helmed Flynn swashbuckling ADVENTURE! The Sea Hawk.

The Story
Wait, wait, wait. Play this while you're reading. Trust me.



It is 1585 and Geoffrey Thorpe (Errol Flynn) is the dashing captain of the Albatross, an English privateer and his life is pretty awesome. He’s got a ferociously loyal crew, headed up Mr. Pitt (played by his old sidekick Alan Hale Sr.), a fast ship with which he can raid Spanish vessels with bravado, and an almost-first-name relationship with Queen Elizabeth. He’s unfailingly polite, charming, merciful, yet a stern disciplinarian to those who disobey his direct orders.

We open with a Spanish galley delivering a diplomat to England. The Spanish are quite furious with English piracy against their ships and for the Brits funding their enemies. The two nations are not at war, but things are starting to move in that direction, and the surprisingly British-accented Spanish already have a secret plan for invading/conquering England. So really, considering the time this was made, you should really cross out “Spanish” wherever you encounter it in this movie and replace it with “German” since this is fundamentally a WWII propaganda film. C’est la guerre.

Anyway, the diplomat is Don Alvarez (Claude Raines), and he’s bringing along his neice, Doña Maria Alvarez de Cordoba (Brenda Marshall), and she’s got her own servant in tow, Martha (Una O’Connor, and not nearly as annoying as in Bride of Frankenstein). Suddenly, a ship attacks. It’s the Albatross, and the galley being Spanish is all the pretext Thorpe needs to attack. After a rousing battle where ships shoot each other and men swing across riggings, fall in the water, and insult-swordfight, Thorpe’s sea hawks (DUN DUN DUN!) are victorious and capture the crew and diplomats who…were already…headed to…England. Well, uh, Thorpe also frees the English galley slaves the Spanish were using as labor. The Albatross doesn’t HAVE galley slaves, so there. Either that or its not a galley. Thorpe also takes a liking to Doña Maria (who had an English mother, apparently), and is about the only character he ever feels nervous around. Awww, somebody’s twitterpated.

In England, the Spanish raise a big stink about Thorpe’s actions, and they’re aided by Lord Wolfingham, who’s basically Elizabethan Neville Chamberlain with a dose of actual seditious treason thrown in. Elizabeth (Flora Robson) chides Thorpe about his antics, but shares a lot of sentiment about being wary of the Spanish. Thorpe wants to raise a fleet to counter Phillip II’s armada and he proposes to lead a daring raid on Spanish New World territory to “divert” funds to England. She gives him the go-ahead but with the understanding that “if you get caught, its not my problem.”

Well, Thorpe DOES get caught. The raid is a disaster and most of his men are killed. He’s is caught and sentenced to the galley by the Inquisition. This causes all kinds of headaches back in England, as Elizabeth cracks down on her privateers to appease the Spanish, Wolfingham schemes behind her back, and Doña Maria pines for Captain Thorpe.

The Sights
Like Captain Blood, The Sea Hawk is black & white. However, the movie (at least the DVD I watched) did something different. When the action shifts to the New World, it takes on a sepia tone. Then when they get back to Europe, B&W again. Its an interesting little touch. Apparently the film reused most of the sets of another Elizabethan movie that was shot before it (Essex and Elizabeth, also starring Errol Flynn). The sets are quite lavish, particularly the queen’s palace, as are the costumes.

Interestingly, the movie leads off with its big set piece. The naval battle between two ships is taken care of in the first twenty minutes and then there’s a lot of politics and dialogue for most of the movie. Still, that opening fight is really impressive, compounded by the fact that they really shot it in a giant tank on the Warner back lot with two life-sized ships operated by hydraulics. That is friggin’ awesome! Its also great because you can have guys splashing into the water and continuing to swim as they fight. There’s even a sailor who gets “killed” by a grappling hook tossed at him. That doesn’t really add anything thematically or symbolically. I just thought it looked cool and different enough from other pirate movies to make a note of it.

Now there are more action sequences in the film, of course. Thorpe’s escape and capture of the Spanish galley he’s on is the penultimate one that shows him being a clever leader. Then he high-tails it back to England to warn the Queen that the Armada will attack. Of course that would be too easy, so Thorpe needs to sneak back into the palace, where he has a final showdown with the film’s real villain, Wolfingham (Henry Daniell). Wolfingham’s actor was not a fencer (like Rathbone was in Robin Hood) so most of his work was done by a double. Its still a very satisfying duel, and gets some lovely backlighting by candles at moments (Did I just say lovely backlighting in reference to a fight to the death? I need to get out more.)

The Cast
As in Captain Blood and The Adventures of Robin Hood, Flynn is at his Flynniest as a dashing swashbuckler. Its no different here. He’s great fun to watch and has a lot of energy. Brenda Marshall’s love interest does an acceptable job, but she doesn’t do a whole lot except fall in love with Thorpe, question the virtue/goodness of her native Spain, and look pretty. Claude Raines’ Don Alvarez is diminished a bit after Wolfingham rises in villainy, but he gains assorted character touches. He’s very tender and loving of his niece, polite, well-educated, reasonable, and open to discussion. He doesn’t seem to be too privy to Spain’s big war plans and by the end of the movie, he’s goes from evil to neutral on the morality scale. Considering that was mostly through Raines’ body language and dialogue, I’d say its pretty impressive.

Most impressive though is Flora Robson’s turn as Elizabeth. She steals every scene she’s in with a mixture of fiery imperiousness and coy playfulness. It really is great fun to watch, and she gives the character a lot of layers. Her final speech at the end of the movie, rousing the British to muster for war and defend freedom is a really good one, and probably sold a lot of War Bonds.

Perhaps the only real weak link in the cast is Wolfingham. I don’t think that Daniell is particularly bad, its just that Wolfingham is a fairly uninteresting character. He wants the crown of England for himself and is willing to sell out to the Spanish for it. Okay, that’s a pretty vile thing to do, but he does it without being pompously evil like Basil Rathbone was in Robin Hood or greedily evil like Lionel Atwill in Captain Blood (and neither of those characters was particularly deep either). Here its like “Hi, I’m Wolfingham. I’ll be your villain tonight. If you’ll just have a seat I’ll bring out a fight scene for you shortly.”

The Script
Screenplay by Howard Koch and Seton I. Miller. Technically this is a remake of a 1924 film that was based on a Rafael Sabatini novel (like most golden age swasbuckler films). Except the only thing it keeps from the previous version is the name and that its about pirates.

I suppose where points would be negated is from how history is (as usual) cherry-picked and sidelined for various reasons. Here, its for war propaganda. Early on, its clearly obvious that the aggressive, expansionist Spanish are meant to represent Nazi Germany. Obvious historical differences aside, it does have some curious results. History is, of course, much more complicated than casual observers would like it to be, and the historical Armada campaign was not exactly “England=Benevolent, Spain=Bigot,” let alone “England=Good, Spain=Bad.” There really isn’t enough room to go into examples here, so one will have to suffice: Spain wasn’t the only kingdom to have galley slaves. Everybody had them. If you had a galley, you needed galley slaves (though professionally hired rowers also existed, I believe). Spain had them, England had them, the Ottoman Empire had them, the Knights of Malta had them.

So why am I deducting points for the standard drubbing that history gets through adaptation? Its because of how blatant it is. 1940 and all that, and the movie is very entertaining, but it is positively shameless in its propaganda. Which I suppose adds some charm to it and roots it firmly in that time before America entered WWII, but still, the Medieval/Renaissance historian in me just sighs sadly.

The Sounds
Erich! Wolfgang! Korngold!

I should elaborate, I suppose. The opening fanfare for The Sea Hawk blew my hair back and when I saw Korngold’s name during the credits, the note I immediately made was “This is gonna be good.” And oh how right I was. The score is absolutely incredible for this movie. The bombastic cues are epic in scope, but the calmer parts are just as wonderfully rendered, bringing a rich variety of melodies and themes to play. The main theme stuck with me for a while after the end, which is as fine a compliment I can give a film score as any. I think that perhaps his score for this is better than the one he wrote for Robin Hood, and I LOVE the music in Robin Hood.

The Verdict
Watch The Sea Hawk if you get a chance. Come for the opening ship battle, stay for the soundtrack! Good performances, great action and an absolutely incredible score make for one rousing bit of piratey fun, even if its Queen Elizabeth is more like Winston Churchill (symbolically!) than, uh, hmm…

I really wish I hadn’t just pictured Churchill in a frilly collar and red wig.

Trailer over here:
http://youtu.be/6_XIJm0_Wgc

“And that my friend ends a partnership that should never have begun.”

Okay, so the Star Wars prequels tried and failed to kill me. The Halloween Octoverride tried and failed to kill me. My laptop turning into a suicidal wreck failed to stop me. I survived, but not without leaving me with a limp and a visible shake in my left hand. Let’s wash the taste of that out with a good movie. A classic movie from 1935. A movie that was Errol Flynn’s first major role. With PIRATES! Buckle up your swashes, gents, and loosen those corsets, ladies. Its time for Captain Blood.

Plot
So, an Irish doctor gets in trouble with the crown for treating a wounded man who was part of a rebellion against King James of England (the second, presumably). Unfairly prosecuted and sold into slavery, he finds himself on a Jamaican plantation run by a jerkass governor and his hottie of a daughter. After a chance raid on the town of Port Royal allows the slaves (who, uh, all happen to be white actors: sadly a sign of the times the movie was made in) to go free and hijack a Spanish ship, the doctor, now the captain of the stolen ship, sets out with his crew to make a living of High Seas ADVENTURE!

Characters
Captain Doctor Peter Blood, MD: Errol Flynn (remember him from the glorious Adventures of Robin Hood?). Ok, so the good doctor’s a bit of a marty stu, but he’s also a perfect larger than life figure for the ADVENTURE! of the film. He’s heroic, no matter what situation, but he’s also got a sharp tongue, full of Irish impudence, particularly toward those who are corrupt or harbor (ha ha, nautical pun) fondness for King James. Rises to epic badass levels through sheer impudence and force of personality. And his name’s basically Captain Blood, MD.

Arabella Bishop: Olivia de Havilland (also from Robin Hood) plays the somewhat spoiled but by no means evil niece of the governor of Port Royal. She and Blood have some great courtly flirting scenes before Blood makes his escape, and after he’s become a pirate lord and comes across her again, she alone is the anchor (ha ha) that keeps him from drifting (ha ha) into villainy. For her, Blood turns away from his corsairing ways, and the chemistry between the actors convinces you that its worth it.

Levasseur: Basil Rathbone has a pretty small role as an amoral French pirate who becomes bro’s with Blood. The two produce a piratical partnership, but the pernicious Provencal plots to perfidiously profit from Blood’s placid patronage. This leads to a short but epic swordfight on a beach over (what else?) a woman. Arabella, to be precise.

Colonel Bishop: Lionel Atwill (from the Octoverride Frankenstein movies) plays the greedy, abusive governor Bishop, and Blood’s sworn nemesis. Not a whole lot to his character. He’s a jerk, the audience doesn’t like him. Instant villain.

There are a bunch of other characters, particularly Blood’s crew, but they only have a few quirks to differentiate themselves and its not really worth going into it. One’s a cowardly opportunist, one’s a deeply religious man, one’s a drunk, and so on. They get the job done though.

Visuals/Effects
Directed by Michael Curtiz (who also co-directed The Adventures of Robin Hood and Casablanca) the movie is shot in Glorious Black & White, which thanks to the set designs and camera angles, does not hamper the vitality of the ADVENTURE! Some of the miniature work is obviously so, but nothing game breaking. The movie itself is very episodic, covering a lot of ground quickly, often with the help of expository text blocks to help move things along past the dull parts. The end result is a rocket fast ride of heroism against the odds and redemption and forgiveness, along with the standard swashbuckling swordfights and ship-to-ship fusillades that are staples of the genre. Its also a joy to watch Flynn and Rathbone duel to the death again (though this is a much shorter fight than in Robin Hood).

Writing
Casey Robinson adapted a novel by Rafael Sabatini (an Italian author who wrote several pirate stories) and throws in a lot of great dialog. Rapid fire flirting, stirring speeches, and Blood’s stubborn Impudence all get delivered with aplomb. No, its probably not very historical, but my understanding of the Age of Sail isn’t exactly expert level anyway, and the movie isn’t trying to be historical.

Sound
Erich. Wolfgang. Korngold. ‘Nuff said. Made extra awesome by the fact that reportedly he scored the film in three weeks.

Conclusion
Raucous High Seas ADVENTURE! Sometimes that’s all you really need to sell a movie and Captain Blood delivers it in spades. I will say that The Adventures of Robin Hood, which involves a lot of the same filmmakers and lead actors is a much more polished and in some ways better film, but Captain Blood is a great ride and a worthy precursor. Totally recommended as one of the defining Pirate ADVENTURE! films.

“Wahoo! There’s a pumpkin on your head!”

For some, It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown is their annual Halloween tonic that they’ve carried since youth. That was what Garfield’s Halloween Adventure was for me (or the original title of Garfield in Disguise, according to IMDB), made in 1985 when Garfield was still funny, it was a TV special in that grand tradition that seems to have died out by the late 90’s.

Plot
Garfield wakes up to the TV telling him that its Halloween, which gets him all excited because of all the candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy. He dresses up like a pirate (so does Odie) and they go out trick or treating. Wanting even more candy, Garfield & Odie commandeer a row boat but lose the oars then wash ashore onto a small island with a single house and a single old man who tells them a spooky story about ghost pirates.

Characters
Garfield: Lorenzo Music was the official voice of Garfield for a long time, and he did a great job with a character that was pretty much defined by being lazy and anti-social. Garfield likes food. Candy is free on Halloween to trick or treat-ers, therefore Garfield loves Halloween. Simple, but effective. Fun fact, Lorenzo Music was the voice of Peter Venkman on the animated Ghostbusters spinoff. When the movie Garfield was made in recent years, Lorenzo Music had died several years prior. So who voiced Garfield? Peter Venkman himself, Bill Murray.

Odie: Gregg Berger voices (well, barks) Garfield’s dumber but generally likeable sidekick. Odie basically plays second banana to Garfield’s greed, but he does get some moments near the end.

John Arbuckle: Thom Huge voices Garfield’s rather sad sack owner. He’s there at the beginning and doesn’t do a whole lot. More of a glorified cameo.

Old Man: C. Lindsay Workman gives an incredibly hammy performance near the end as a creepy old man who tells Garfield & Odie about a hundred year old pirate treasure and about the ghost pirates that will come back for it at the stroke of midnight.

Ghost Pirates: Okay, so they have no voices and they’re only in it for a few minutes at best. Still, these are ghost pirates and the animation on them is really cool. Ghost pirates are always badass.

Visuals/Effects
Directed by Phil Roman (who I believe was also responsible for the Garfield TV series and the other shorts as well) the special is reasonably well animated. A lot of it is the standard animated fare of the rest of the animated Garfield stuff, but those Ghost Pirates man, those guys were really well animated.

Writing
Garfield was created by Jim Davis, and gets writing credit for creating the comic strip. The story is a fairly straightforward string of occasional beats of traditional Garfield-esque running gags, some witty banter, a couple of catchy songs and then all of a sudden, outta nowhere, some legitimately creepy ghost pirates almost kill our heroes.

Sound
Original music by Ed Bogas and Desiree Goyette, and with some sung by Lorenzo Music and some by Lou Freakin’ Rawls himself, the songs are incredibly catchy and well done, and also nice and brief, so they don’t get a chance to annoy you.

Conclusion
Okay, so Garfield’s Halloween Adventure isn’t exactly the most complicated thing on our list, but it’s a fun and very Halloween-y special that’s got a lot of nostalgia credit going for it. I mean, it was made back when people didn’t hate Garfield.


 Now the songs are stuck in your head.