So
yes, Manos: The Hands of Fate is an infamous little movie from 1966
that is often mentioned in conversations about the "Worst Movie Ever
Made." While I don't think its the actual worst movie ever made
(that's a matter of personal taste), it is a colossal turkey that
earns its reputation.
Written,
produced, directed and starring Harold P. Warren, an insurance and
fertilizer salesman from El Paso, Texas, the movie was famously made
on a bet with a Hollywood location scout named Stirling Silliphant,
who would himself go on to great acclaim as the screenwriter of such
classics as In the Heat of the Night, The Towering Inferno, The
Poseidon Adventure, and, uh, Over the Top. The bet was that Warren
could complete a low budget horror film on his own.
After
a tumultuous production and failing miserably in the Southwest, the
film languished in obscurity until the famous MST3K episode aired in 1993.
After that, it turned into a Z-movie icon, eventually spawning a
mobile game, a blu ray digital remaster, and a successful crowdfunded
project for Manos Returns, which is due some time this year if IMDB
is correct. Much like Troll 2, its not exactly obscure anymore, but
that doesn't change the fact that its still awful.
What's
it about?
After eight minutes of driving around the El Paso
countryside, a family on vacation get lost looking for Valley Lodge.
The father, Mike, is played by Hal P. Warren himself. The mom is
Margaret, played by Diane Mahree, who would later find success in
fashion modeling, and their daughter, Debbie, played by Jackey
Neyman, but dubbed into incomprehensibility. They stop at a house
that “wasn't there before” first to ask for directions, then for
lodging as night approaches. The caretaker is a twitchy and awkward
man with strange knees (whether he was supposed to be a satyr or
“like a hunchback, only hunchknees” seems a bit ambiguous, since
I've seen both reported. Doesn't really matter, anyway.) He's named
Torgo, and played by John Reynolds, a troubled young man who was
apparently on LSD during filming and committed suicide at the age of
25 a month before the movie was released to theaters.
So that's
depressing.
Torgo's
weird as hell, speaking in halting sentences and stumbling around
with his own theme song. He takes care of the place while the Master
is away, and while reluctant to allow the family to stay, he lusts
for Margaret.
The
Master is played by Tom Neyman, and is the leader of a mysterious and
vague cult of possibly immortal, possibly undead people. He worships
an abyssal being of primordial darkness named Manos that has a hand
motif, and his cult centers their worship around a macabre bonfire
where they sit, talk, argue, and eventually get into a catfight
around. Essentially the Dark Souls of movies.
I'm
only half joking. The similarities might be purely coincidental, but
they are striking.
Tom
Neyman is essentially the unsung hero of this movie. In addition to
being the villain, his daughter played Debbie, his dog played the
devil dog, he helped make Torgo's knees, built some of the props and
his wife designed most of the costumes. He also gives the best
performance of the movie, for what its worth.
I've
noticed that in the best worst movies made, there's always some
person with talent that is applying genuine effort to elevate the
movie above its massive failings. Here, its clearly Neyman who gave
it his best effort.
So
what doesn't work? Saying “Everything” is a cop out, and also
untrue. The editing is bad, with long and short cuts jumping around
the place and long stretches of boredom that help drag its run time
over 60 minutes. The cinematography is bad, with mostly dull scene
composition, flat interior lighting and absolutely horrible exterior
night lighting. There's the occasional flash of an interesting shot,
but it passes just as quickly as it arrived. The acting is bad, with
flat deliveries of dull dialogue. The female characters have it
worse, with weird delays in their reactions and awkward expressions
and just generally weird timing issues with their delivery. The audio
itself was bad, and every sound, including dialogue, was added in
post production, with voice recording occasionally being drowned out
by sound effects. The smooth jazz soundtrack also doesn't fit the
tone of a legitimate horror movie at all, with its flutes and
saxophones and pianos.
So
what's good about it? Or at least “good” with air quotes?
Torgo
has become such an iconic character because he's so damn weird. He's
a filthy creepy pervert that peeps through windows, yet he's the most
sympathetic character because its obvious he's an unwilling servant
of the Master who's fed up with being treated like dirt for a very
long time.
The
Master himself chews the scenery and glowers like a madman. There's
even a kernel of a moody, mysterious horror film buried at the core
(brigadoon house, strange cult, creepy caretaker, supernatural
goings-on, etc), but the execution is so un-salvageable that it adds
to the boredom and, oddly, its bizarro charm.
Like
so many of its Z-level kin, Manos: The Hands of Fate ends up being a
trainwreck that is simultaneously boring and utterly surreal.
Do
I recommend it? As a movie that fulfills the basic requirements of
entertainment, no, HELL NO. For the certain masochistic subset
that has conditioned itself to find joy in weird cinematic failures
this is absolutely essential, like a rite of passage.
