Ranking the MCU

Always we will fight as oneeeeeeeeee

Since Infinity War hits very, very soon, the thing to do seems to be to make a survey of the Marvel Cinematic Universe as a whole.

So yeah, time to rank the movies according to my own arcane standards. Do note that even if I drop a movie somewhere down at the bottom, that doesn't mean its not entertaining or competently made. I'd rather watch The Incredible Hulk again instead of Electra or X-Men Origins: Wolverine ever again.

Worst to Best

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

This one's a weird black sheep from the dawn of the MCU. It has some great moments but still features a lot of that 00s superhero checklist stuff (as opposed to the checklist being used this decade). Its also down here since just about everything this movie tries to set up hasn't had a payoff in over a decade, aside from the Hulk himself and General Ross.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

Growing pains. That's what this movie is. Robert Downey Jr could make the phone book entertaining, so he's immensely watchable here, but this is a highly disjointed movie that suffers from trying to shove in as much worldbuilding and obvious setup for the Avengers that its own plot suffers. Also, its retcons a plot point from Iron Man. Rolling Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo together into the same character was a mistake. We still got War Machine out of it, though.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

This is where I got off the Joss Whedon train. There's a lot of great dialogue and character bits, including a spot on Vision and it gives Hawkeye a bunch of stuff to do. But it screwed up Ultron so, so, so, so, so badly. Spader does a good job of delivering it, but the material he's given is terrible. The actual Ultron only shows up for a small, brilliant scene at the end where he and Vision have a moment. Also, making Quicksilver actually likable for the first time in 50 years only to kill him off pointlessly for a cheap emotional pop made it clear that that's all Whedon has in his bag of quips, er, tricks.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

I just keep forgetting that this movie exists. The Dark Elves and Malekith are wasted potential. It dabbles in the Cosmic side of things but still hews to the “they're just really advanced aliens, brah, not gods” that the first movie set up. The Thor/Loki relationship grows exponentially here, which is good.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

I actually need to re-watch this, so that might lower the score a bit, but I remember enjoying it the first time around. I like Shane Black movies. This is a Shane Black movie to its core, and it does a lot to take Tony Stark out of his comfort zone by giving him a bunch of MacGuyver stuff to do outside the suit. The Mandarin stuff was a disappointment, but good luck convincing Hollywood to make a Yellow Peril villain in the modern era.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

A schizophrenic movie, for every thing it nails, it fails spectacularly at something else. Spider-Man's great, there's a lot of solid comedy, good use of cameos, and it made the Vulture into a legitimately great villain for the first time ever. I wouldn't mind seeing Donald Glover as the Prowler somewhere down the line. Needed more core Spidey tenets (Uncle Ben angst, the Power/Responsibility dynamic, Peter's immense guilt complex, etc), Herman Schultz got screwed (he's supposed to be the supervillain equivalent of Spidey's sad sack moments, not a guy too dumb to live) and it replaced Mary Jane Watson with the alpha build of Rose Tico, which is unforgivable.

Thor (2011)

When it goes William Shakespeare with Jack Kirby set dressing, its pretty great, but it pussies out of giving the Asgardians actual magic because they're Norse gods. “Sufficiently advanced technology” my ass. Still, it hits the core elements of the characters right, which is worthwhile.

Black Panther (2018)

Its quite entertaining and the cast is almost universally solid throughout, with Killmonger being both highly charismatic and completely psychopathic without being just the Joker. When it goes Shakespearian its solid, but it kind of devolves into generic Marvel Movie action sequences in the second half. Goes on a little too long. Good, but overhyped.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

I enjoyed it quite a lot, but like Homecoming, it nails a lot and screws up a lot in equal measure. Huge character developments for Thor & Loki, no Natalie Portman dragging things down, Stupid Hulk, Jeff Goldblum, and wild cosmic adventures are all good things. On the other hand, it specifically destroys everything about Asgard that worked in the last two movies, and they did the Warriors Three dirty. Tonally, this is what the Thor movies should've started with while the Branagh film should've been where Ragnarok happens.

Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

The initial payoff, and proof that Kevin Feige knew exactly what kind of ship he was steering. Great popcorn fun with everybody except Hawkeye having a lot to do (Using the Ultimate version of Hawkeye is a mistake, I'm telling you). The plot is pretty bare bones though. Just good entertainment, and a marvel that they were able to pull it off in the first place.

Doctor Strange (2016)

The reason why the Thor movies can go bugnuts with power now, since magic is no longer off-limits and we actually do get several Steve Ditko acid trip sequences. One of the better origin story movies since Strange's origin is so simple at its core. Where it falters is where it deviates from the source material. Splitting Baron Mordo up between movie Mordo and Kaecillius is a huge mistake in an otherwise great movie (especially since Ejiofor is such a good actor).

Ant-Man (2015)

Considering the development hell this went through, Ant-Man is a miracle. Crazy genius Hank Pym, Scott Lang as a constant screw up trying to do right by his daughter, the quirky scene-stealing sidekick crew. It has a surprising number of tokusatsu elements in it, which help. Its got comedy, its got heart, and its got a forgettable villain.

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

A better Avengers 2 than Age of Ultron in every possible way. Stakes, sacrifice, loss, and the fight at the airport is a thing of well-choreographed beauty. Infinitely better than the 2006 comic event of the same name.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

Crazy space opera adventures grounded by an incredibly charismatic cast. When it goes dark, the emotional beats are exceptionally handled in an otherwise brilliant space spanning comedy. Rocket Raccoon being a dumbass in the beginning for no reason hurt it a little.

Iron Man (2008)

The one that started it all managed to do so by being a damn good movie first, and then teasing the broader plan at the end. RDJ is perfect casting. Stane is one of the best villains in the series. It ramps up at a perfect pace. Its great, and promises the great things that were to come.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

The movie that brings Cap fully into the greater MCU, and it does so by throwing a morally anchored man into a world of murky gray. That's a recipe for great character conflict right there, and the emotional beats of a good man who's the only one in the whole world trying to save his best friend are damn good. Also, it made the Falcon into the coolest he's ever been in 40 years. Also also: Batroc the Leaper.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

The best Star Wars movie made since 1983. I was a fan of the GoTG from the Annihilation event, and this delivered. Perfect casting, perfect comedy, perfect use of music, it gambled big on a bunch of c-listers (at best) and paid off big time.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

I don't think there's been a more perfect 1:1 realization of a superhero's origin story since Superman the Movie. This movie nails everything. Costume, feel, drama, romance, villains, action, soundtrack and pure unfiltered heroism. It gets the top spot because its the only movie in the entire MCU that made me tear up a little, and that was where Cap is saying goodbye to Peggy as he flies to his doom. The only reason why Winter Soldier is as good as it is comes from everything that this movie did.

This movie is perfect. FITE ME IRL